so the psychological defense mechanisms (EMF): what is this "fixies" are, what they protect us and why?
Imagine that our brain is a computer and the outside world is the Internet! You are viewing a variety of pictures, visiting hundreds of sites, receive email, messages from friends. Every computer (I hope😊) is a system of protection from malicious programs called antivirus. This antivirus is living his life and decides on their criteria what information is safe for our computer, and what is not. Sites that this "defender" considers dangerous he just blocks, sometimes even insuring. This way Your email sends suspicious emails in spam. A similar effect, and our inventories!
Every day on our head leans all kinds of information, events and impressions! All events that happen with us are colored by emotions - so we share for themselves, roughly speaking, pleasant and unpleasant events. When our subconscious mind (call it system administrator) believes that the information or event is too painful for us, it is taking extra measures to protect our fine mental organization from traumatic experiences and sends them to the so-called "spam" the darkest corner of our subconscious, to look into which will help only a qualified specialist. What's more, this crafty sysadmin even warn us about it, doing it secretly so We had no idea about his existence and that he did! The organization "SHIELD" from the movie "the Avengers" (if you know what I mean) compared to him nervously smokes on the sidelines!
In the Arsenal of our "sysadmin" there are several mechanisms to protect us from bad feelings about them we now discuss!
1. Projection: "Light my mirror, tell me..!"
so, the task is not easy: think of a person who You hate most, annoying (don't tell me that no such people in your life 😏). Presented? Great! Now, let's define what exactly you hate this particular person: some trait of character, deed, appearance I. D. Identified? Congratulations - You just found my projection! 😉
And here You in perplexity round the eye and ask the question: "so what does that mean?". The thing is that none of us is perfect, everyone wants something to change, improve, add/remove. Sometimes this "lack" is very difficult to fix and he is so rubbing our faces that our brain decides: "why do we hate and criticize so yourself? Let's look for it and hate and criticize in others!" And so our "sysadmin" takes this very "flaw" and projecting on the other person. Here I love the old Russian proverb: "in the eye of another speck see, but in its logs do not notice!" - it's also about projection.
Give a simple example. One of my friends all the time criticized the girls: "the horror! Look how short that skirt she's wearing! Her side hanging down! Is she in front of the mirror was not looking!?" she cried an indignant voice, eagerly pushing bun with condensed milk for both cheeks.
Another example. In the cafe was watching the situation: at the next table sat a couple, the girl brought the order and she began to complain to the young man:
- "the Potatoes are overcooked! The meat is raw! And how much mayonnaise in the salad! Which the disabled person is ready?" "If you do not like - do not eat! Let's go pizza order - also here are quite expensive! - suggested the young man. "Oh, that you're always cranky! You only give a reason!" .
Such examples are very many, but I think You get the gist!
2. Reaction formation: "Love or hate?"
Imagine that you really love to eat tangerines (and to someone and don't have to introduce 😊 ), but here's the problem: this year, tangerine was officially attributed to drug and banned their sale. What will You do: on the one hand the forbidden love of this orange fruit is very strong, but on the other hand, a society that condemns the consumption of tangerines in any form. Of course, you can buy them from mandarinoriental, but you're a man of high morals, You can't afford to fall in the eyes of society and their loved ones. That's the problem... And here to help us, again comes to our own internal "sysadmin" (for those not in the topic, read the 2 previous posts) and removes this mental dilemu. How? This "prankster" turns everything on its head and, freeing us from hard choices, reinforces the opposite feeling. Eye blink of an eye, as you stand on the street with a banner: "tangerines are evil!". And you're not just don't eat tangerines, You hate those who eat it and foaming at the mouth wherever you can cry about the harm to health! You are not haunted by the idea that at this very moment someone is ruining your life, eating this orange drug! But somewhere deep down you know you love tangerines as before. Here's a new year horror happened! 😆
How to recognize it is the most reactive of education? The surest symptom is fanaticism. If a person is fanatically follows some idea, he is driven by strong emotions and they are actively propagandirovat his position, putting himself as an example - most likely his work is nothing but a smokescreen that hides his hateful nature. the
Man with jet education is a homophobe who is afraid to admit their feelings to each other, this ardent feminist, who, like any woman, wants to be loved, and a vegetarian who runs away from his desires and fears.
3. Regression: "Oh, everything!"
Big eyes, offended pout, angrily folded his arms and demanding frown - for the sake of completeness is not enough only to stamp his foot and say: "I want!". Whom You are introduced? 😏 Let me guess, You imagined a child of 5-7 years, most likely a girl! Adorable, right? 😊
What if I say that actually described a woman of 40 years, which requires that her husband bought the car he chose it. Do you think her husband is at this moment experiencing the emotion, looking at her? 😆 Hardly!
Looking back, will tell you that this pair have long wanted to buy a car, but they could not reach a compromise in the selection. When two adults discuss a question, they use the arguments, and the arguments in favor of his point of view, their opinions are different, but they are willing to listen to each other and to stay in contact is a normal Mature adult position. But, what if the argument to an end, can't hear you and this adult position backed into a corner?
And again our internal "system administrator" comes "to the rescue". Have in his Arsenal a defence mechanism as regression. Thanks to her, people unconsciously resort to an earlier, less Mature behaviors - responds to stress like a child. So, our heroine is in childhood often used this behavior with a pout, what caused only the affection of loved ones, and getting what you want. Her caring "sysadmin" decided that it may work in this situation. Here it is important how the husband would react: either he is "driven" to the child's position and include the position of the parent than for the future will reinforce this way of behavior from his wife or see her in the same position Mature, and help her to return to adulthood. the
Regression actually somehow found each of us 😊:
this is our universal "Oh, everything!"; it is when we seize the stress of a Gelato or encourage yourself for success snacks; when we buy a new iPhone as Petka Smirnova; when we have the coolest car in the yard; when the wound strand of hair on the finger and blame a snack lips, when a loud slam the door and play in "silence", etc.
how do you revert to childhood? :)