I would like to talk about the importance of such an important in my opinion is the psychological process, as a mountain.

Usually, we grieve about the loss of a loved one or something significant in our lives (health in the case of an incurable disease, work, social status, previous relationships, etc.). And our lives are inherently entails some losses, significant or very minor. It is inevitable. But we continue to live, freeing and directing your vitality and interest (all of this on psychoanalytic language is called "libido") is now something new or invest more energy into what you already have, without getting stuck indefinitely in the past and not staying in the doldrums. It is in the normal, healthy case, when there was a natural flow of all the stages of grief:

- from acceptance of the fact of loss (without the denial: for example, "this can't be", "it's not me," "no, actually it's not" etc..)

- through anger and rage, paradoxical as it may sound, to the object of loss (in our psyche we direct that anger, above all, the view of the object of loss, and not directly to the object of loss in the external reality)

- "bargain" with life,

- the acceptance of loss,

humility

- and actually sad,

- return to life the subject survived the loss.

That's the psychodynamics has long been studied and described by various well-known psychologists with varying degrees of detail. In the case of a normal completion of grief our perception of reality external reality adequately. We are free to move on and build new relationships. In the case of a normal flow of grief we are not overtaken by the depression suddenly after a few years after the sad event. If this happens, it means that grief work was not done by the human psyche and it's stuck (most likely in the stage of denial. For example, plunging headlong into a job immediately after the loss). In this case we speak of pathological mountain.

This mental process as the mountain is not fast and is a healthy option for about a year. During this time something big is happening - the restructuring of memories associated with an object loss – the object of loss is not erased from memory, but the memory "remembers" it differently. In a sense, the person becomes richer. In his famous work "the Sorrow and melancholia" (1916) Z. Freud, the "father of psychoanalysis", introduced the concept of "grief work", wrote that people in a healthy flow of the process of grief feels that, Yes, the world has changed without the object of loss, the world is poorer, and in the pathological case a person feels as if he has lost a significant portion of himself, not just the world poorer, ie in fact he lost himself, and while you may not realize until the end what he lost, what a part of yourself. And then there is the depression, the melancholy, about which he wrote CFreud.

the Losses are obvious, and there are not very obvious. It so happens that the person lives happily until 20, 30, 40, his enthusiasm goes out to 50 people starting to be more aware or is already aware that a lot of missed opportunities...

For example, I understand that at 45 years old, I hardly can become a dancer if I never studied ballet – at least at a sufficiently professional level, and only dreamed, thought, fantasized that someday I will become a ballerina what else whole life ahead of you and that I will start to do ballet. In this case, my inner reality is more and more starting to encounter with external reality and everything in the outside world to me "shouts" and recalls the loss of my illusion.

Yes, the loss of illusions and ideals – this is what man is most afraid to face in life and in psychotherapy. After all, the world of his inner beliefs about reality, especially about ourselves, self-esteem, can suddenly collapse, and this is the grief that may seem to someone so infinite that it is impossible to survive. So, people with narcissistic personality disorders can actually not suffer from the so-called true major depression, bipolar disorder, and depression caused by the loss of his illusions, when a person does not correspond to its ideals. It's one thing to strive for the ideal (all of us have their ideal), and quite another thing to be ideal (this is obviously an unrealistic desire).

Summing up, I want to say, don't be afraid to grieve. A big misconception is to think that you are "so right" and push the internal tears. Let us recognize that we are all by nature vulnerable and we hurt when we lose. The mountain is a normal, healthy process that should not be blocked, you have to live and to let go of their grief and move on. Loose their strength for a new life. Especially if you have children. They need you and, I think, need other people and life in General. And well, if Your pity party is "the witness" - it can be normal psychologist, which will not break from your pity party.