Not ashamed of all that causes shame. And if you feel ashamed almost for everything, even when you didn't? When you want to sink into the ground or crawl under the skirting like a cockroach and it is not clear where it comes from and how to live with it? With a sense of shame at all it's not easy, it is very poisonous in its nature, is the loss of self-esteem, a complete loss of the ability to love us. This is an unbearable experience for the person, fear of mental destruction, worse than physical pain. Shame essentially is fear, we fear that people will stop to us to be good, if they knew about us the whole truth.
Wine — so strong feeling, like a shame, but it is constructive, whereas feelings of shame is destructive. With the guilt still something can be done, for example, to justify itself, to shift liability, because fault - this “I did a bad thing”, whereas shame is "I'm bad”.
A shame think: “if I for a particular act to be ashamed of, I won't do that”. I.e. it's simple - ashamed or not ashamed. Some do not feel ashamed for anything, justifying a freedom of choice and freedom of conscience (I call it ‘freedom of conscience”), but the conversation is not about the marginals.
From unconscious feelings of shame often suffer quite socially successful people, more often women. Here is an example: woman 6 years after marriage had a constant anxiety and occasionally panic attacks, it is not knowing what's wrong. It would seem, beloved husband, children, but this is only what was the outside facade. And then there are our feelings that if we are frightened or unbearable, our mind displaces them. In neurotics this repression occurs in psychosomatics or anxiety disorder, phobias, panic attacks. Only in the course of therapy it became clear that immediately after the wedding, the woman realized that he made a huge mistake by marrying this man. But unconscious feeling of shame in front of parents and relatives was much more than the desire to escape from these relations. The awareness of shame is a huge step in the therapeutic work.
of Course almost all of our psychological defenses, susceptibility to different emotions, feelings, self-esteem, etc. - from childhood.
the Parent installation: “You have no one to call you (you – unworthy)” - form a low self-esteem, a sense of shame to the extent that the child is afraid to open his mouth on the lesson for a question the answer to which he knows well. The tendency to create relations with abuterol: partner mocks - “well, I don't deserve it…”. “You do not need anyone (except us parents)” - as a result, a tendency to form dependent relationships, anxiety, distrust of the world. to Live with the idea that you don't need definitely hard, so as soon as the first counter asked for the hand of the heart - without hesitation we ran to get married. “this man openly declared (even once, but they said the same) that I need it! So I need to stick to it, it is definitely important to me”.
so, feelings of shame and guilt are the most common in people who are unsure of themselves. They consider themselves losers, and negative feelings eventually begin to dominate and suppress the personal qualities that can lead to neurotic States. But at the same time, the normal guilt causes to control our behavior, and therefore can save you from immoral acts. But when a person feels guilty for any reason, even in the most innocuous situations, it is a pathology. The cause of negative feelings, as we found, are wrong methods of upbringing and constant reproaches from parents in the absence of incentives.
to get out of this state and to get rid of negative feelings, you first need to realize that requires the help of a therapist, because often they are forced out of consciousness. And then: revise and change their life values, to learn to forgive yourself; not to adapt to someone, and to unfold themselves; to learn to interact and create the conditions for their own personal growth. And the prize at the end of this long journey - a life in harmony with yourself.
