Any quarrel over a successful reconciliation will help to bond with a partner. During the quarrel definitely need emotional inclusion, swear, Express dissatisfaction, do not be silent and talk about your feelings (anger, resentment, irritation and a desire to change something). The release of emotions is an integral part of any scandal. If you do not Express their feelings, relationship will be dead, and unspoken grudges will accumulate and manifest themselves in other things.
There are unspoken rules, quarrels,
- 1 it is Impossible to prevent bodily beating against the partner (this is a violation of personal boundaries and safety as a pair).
- 2. Not to get personal (calling (fool, idiot, etc.) and to humiliate human dignity obscene language).
Man does not deserve such attitude only because affected by the words or actions of some string of the soul and the unhealed wound of his partner, which still hurts. Maybe it really was a provocation by a partner to the manifestation of specific feelings, but he is not responsible directly for a response. The manifestation of such emotions means that the soul companion is not a strong enough rod, which would control the expression of feelings. Understanding and accepting this fact for many people is painful and unpleasant, but it must be taken into account for the harmonious development of further relations.
out of the quarrel implies a constructive dialogue after the emotional storms, during both of the people are in a fit of rage, hysteria, accumulated resentments interfere to make the right and informed decisions (able to affect the brain blurred).
Some people experience caused resentment for a very long time (week, month), so you need to enable the partner to calm down, to recover, to think about their actions. Only after that we can talk to each other honestly and openly.
How to withdraw from the quarrel?
- 1. It is recommended to use in the dialogue with a partner "I messages" (I feel angry when you don't wash a mug, don't close the shampoo, etc.).
- 2. To offer an alternative (Do, please,... I would feel (a) much more comfortable and safer).
- 3. To listen to the reaction partner. Perhaps the proposed alternative are not satisfied with it, a psychological barrier or injury.
- 4. Together to find a compromise. Definitely need to be attentive to the desires of the partner, to listen to your feelings, to ensure that the balance in the compromise were always observed (efforts must be made both partners, regardless of the test voltage level).
- 5. It is important to understand that quarrel is not a horror, to be rid of as soon as possible. It is a necessary and natural condition for the development of warm and close relations in the pair, especially before 7 years of marriage. It is believed that during this period, the partners are aligned to each other, find out the hidden fears and pain.
Indian philosophy Osho believed that without anger there can be love. Gestalt therapy teaches partners to see each other as individuals and not function. To do this, you first need to successfully resolve their conflicts, understand the interests and needs of the other person, not to be afraid to open up their painful spots before loved ones, explaining the true cause of emotional reactions. The only way the relationship can be closer.
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