the child has only one purpose of behavior is to love. He can get in different ways. Care, affection, conversations, gifts, tactile contact, or something else. In the book "5 love languages" by Gary Chapman is described in detail.

If the child cannot receive love in a normal form, we are not accustomed to give, then he starts it from us to knock. If he knocks out of us, it gets ignored. And ignoring is the worst punishment.

Then it starts with us or to fight, and we feel angry or to take revenge, and we feel the pain or to attract attention, and we feel irritation or to depict the helplessness, and we also feel the helplessness.

the Child never behaves in a pure way, he's got a little of each kind of behavior.

4mistaken goals of the child's behavior.

  1. power Struggle
    if the child does not have enough influence. As it can be expressed in behavior and actions? He shows you who's in charge. He first of all decides what to do and how to act in each situation. This is often defiantly.

child's Actions and behavior:

  • Stubborn.
  • Often argues.
  • Must win. Stands on his own, even if obviously wrong
  • Must be master of the situation.
  • Often lying.
  • Not subject.
  • Does not do what he was asking, and the opposite is true.
  • Can refuse to do anything.

a Reaction of parents:

  • Irritable, angry, outraged
  • Feels defeated.
  • Feels that the child challenged him, provoked him.
  • Feels the need to force the child to obey.
  • Forcing a child to obey
  • Trying to solve the situation, shouting, persuasion, restrictions, punishments, spankings.
2. Attracting attention
– when the child does not get enough recognition. As it can be expressed in behavior and actions? He needs to raise his self esteem and see from others that it is appreciated.

child's Actions and behavior:

  • Prevents, bored.
  • Exposed on the show, trying to be a "clown" in school.
  • Can be lazy.
  • Loves to do it so that it was pougovarivat
  • Forces parents to pay attention, such as whining
  • Think: "I love, only if people pay attention to me". • Can be overly obsequious.
  • Can be too touchy.
  • it Can be hard to learn.

a Reaction of parents:

  • Irritable.
  • Frequently repeats the same thing.
  • Tempting.
  • is in confusion.
  • Believes that the child takes him too much time.
  • Child bothers him.
  • Trying to solve the situation, shouting, persuasion, restrictions, punishments, spankings.
3. Revenge
– a child is protected. As it can be expressed in behavior, actions?

He takes revenge on you and remember it is boiling or, he hid inside a grudge on you and in any possible case he reimburses her. He knows what strings you pull and successfully does it.

child's Actions and behavior:

  • Can steal.
  • Evil.
  • Hurting children and animals.
  • ruins Everything.
  • Can lie.
  • Often accuses others of injustice and dishonesty.
  • Can believe that he does not like.

a Reaction of parents:

  • heartache and misunderstanding.
  • Anger.
  • a Desire to settle scores, revenge.
  • do Not like your child.
  • Considers the child is not grateful.
  • Want to teach the child.
  • Can set up other family members against the child or ask them not to talk to him.
  • Wants to get even for the pain he believes he caused.
  • Wants to appear worse than he really is.
  • Feels that no one understands.
  • Can you say about his behaviour the other parent in the hope that he will punish him.
4. Demonstration of helplessness or evasion
– the child needs to be alone with him.

How can this be expressed in behavior, actions? He strongly closed from you and does not allow, it also meets the duty and everything is fine.

child's Actions and behavior:

  • All says: "Leave me alone."
  • Helpless.
  • May feel stupid in comparison with others.
  • gives up and does not wish to participate in the event.
  • doesn't want something from him demanded.
  • Can put yourself too high goals and not to do anything, because it's still very difficult.
  • very upset and reproaches himself for mistakes and unreasonable expectations

a Reaction of parents:

  • Trying to approach the child from different angles and is disappointed when it fails.
  • Begs or constantly reminded to do something
  • Can stop trying to force it.
  • requires Very little from the baby.
  • Spare the child.
  • Wants to save him.
  • Doing for child what he can do himself.
  • Angry, irritated

How to diagnose the behavior of your child?

do You remember any situation with the baby when he behaved in a similar way. Next, count the number of items in each mistaken goal of the child's behavior and see where there are more points. Therefore, determine what the child is doing – fighting for power, revenge, attracts the attention or shy away.

How to correct the situation? What to do?

this will write the following article.

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Polyakov Sergey
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