6 bad ADVICE.
How to ruin a relationship with her mother (step-by-step instructions)
This section is for adults who were kids and just can not accept that they have adults.
the Relationship with the mother of each of us starting with two patterns embedded in us at a biological level.
- crazy affection, she is total dependence, and
- rejection, neglect, bordering on indifference.
First we need in infancy and childhood in order to survive. Briefly it can be expressed by one phrase: "You belong to me and no one else!"
the Second starts and is fully realized in adolescence and young adulthood and need to create other meaningful relationships with their peers. It sounds: "I don't need You! Leave me alone!"
Both these relationships are formed without your participation, are deeply "sewn" programs, biologically supported.
- For the formation of a heavy relationship with the mother in any case do not create a third, adequate age-conscious adults. Your relationship should not be individual traits, and should be chaotic, contradictory mixture of the first two. It's just. The brain runs them automatically. Don't think, just react habitually. You cannot look at the mother as Another Person.
Forget all this nonsense about: "I'm me and you're you.
I do my thing and you do yours.
I have lived in this world
to live up to your expectations
And you do not live in order to fit mine.
And if we accidentally found each other, that's fine.
If not, it can't be helped".
You need to keep wanting something from his mother, offended that she does not hate for control, complaining, showing helplessness.
- married, or get married, to get away from her.
Choose the right partner. It's an art! The partner also should not understand why his family. Well, if he, too, will be a strong emotional connection with her parental family. Suitable scenarios: "the good son", "addict", "dependents", "C", etc.
Never try to rely on each other. Your partner should be less reliable than mom. Indulge his immaturity, proudly take full responsibility. It is possible to leave the functionality of the servants: shopping, small repairs, etc. the Budget it is desirable to keep separate and have different Hobbies. Will strengthen this position a couple of large "gifts from parents" - the car, winter clothes, tour, made not the family, and emphasized personally to his son.
Periodically complain about the wife mother helplessly sigh about their hopeless fate.
- will Drive themselves in emotional and financial debt. Begin to use a common or personal property "just because." Take a loan a large sum of money in indefinite terms: "take Yet, but we'll see", Link the promise of the inheritance, with the expectation you a certain attitude: "the Flat will go only to those who to me to be good! Ie does what I say!". It will make you addicted mother, and will guide your emotions and actions.
- imagine the idea that allowing mother to take care of yourself, you care about her. The idea itself is strange, but it really helps to keep things simple. Type "Well, she's lonely", "it is without us going to do?" "How will she live all alone." "Grandma needs grandchildren". You can "afford" to cook your family a meal, clean up, but the most powerful solution, which even composed a tale, would give her their children. Re-read the fairy tale "Rapunzel".
This is a very important tale to meaningfully create difficulties. A stroke of genius: "to Us it is difficult, but she is still full of energy and loves our children!", and all sorts of other social myths about the grandmothers will help you to stop the development of the entire family. You never will be the rightful parents, because children will steer grandmother on your own, you will be afraid of her to say something - you're the debtor, you in her garden. And grandma, stroking the hair of your children, "will keep the youth". Create the illusion of meaningfulness in her life, productive employment, fullness. She won't have to deal with the difficult question of his stage: "Why should I live now that I'm not a parent?", "What other to build relationships with older children?"
Your roll on, step back to a carefree existence, combined with this parental responsibility (in the school you will be summoned when grandma lessons will not do) and strong emotions, mentioned above, will completely make you forget about the real purpose of marriage and about the true purpose of parenthood. You will get absurd comments: "You are wrong to bring up (treat, teach) their children!". As if the children came from children, not adults. However, magical nonsense?
This is an unbearable tangle of relationships and you are guaranteed to suffer them.
- Never go on a direct conversation with the mother, not solve a specific problem and not negotiate.
- Talk: "What I terrible mother!" - with her husband, relatives, acquaintances, forums.
- Demonstrative cold gentle concern mixed with accusations and angry remarks made in the presence of his mother, but as in anywhere: "Docha, well, who told you so stupid braids braided!"
- Address hurt, accusatory statements egoistic sense: "Other parents children the apartment has a separate papakupu (from abroad learned, more loved, more ass kissing, etc.), and you're in College stuck. You're husband is normal! and so" any nonsense.
- the Most important thing! In any case, do not Mature personality, it will instantly destroy all your efforts. You will take responsibility for your life begin to solve all of life's challenges on their own or with their partner. This will create a good trusting relationship, thus, having the need for intimacy. You will notice that you don't need any more the mother and she is able to live without you. The risk to build with her a new relationship, the distance which will depend on the degree of mutual respect and intimacy.