Turkish TV series "Magnificent century" at the time watched by several million people all over the world: the superb acting, exquisite costumes, expensive scenery and interiors, a charming romantic story based on real historical events of the middle of XVI century — all this could not fail to attract attention. Clinical psychologist Julia Crumb talks about what can we learn from the concubines of the harem of the great Sultan of the Ottoman Empire.
1. To stand out from the crowd
the Main heroine of the series, the charming Alexander, or Hürrem was one of several dozen or even hundreds of concubines in the harem of Sultan Suleiman I the Magnificent. According to historical records, in the harem could simultaneously accommodate from 700 to 1,200 women. It is clear that not all of them were mistresses of the Sultan lived there, and cousin of the great ruler, and numerous female attendants. But still worth to try hard to get you noticed.
movie: at the first meeting the main character shows a blatant disrespect. Calls out the name of the Sultan, draws attention to itself, and then hurls him directly at hand. The result is a prolonged eye contact, in particular uttered the name Sultan plus bodily contact. Hürrem used most of the channels of human perception: visual, auditory, kinesthetic, venture to suggest that the olfactory, too — it smelled nice oil perfume.
Why it works: in the NLP, neuro linguistic programming, this technique is called anchoring. Anchor — a conditioned reflex, which arises in us when exposed to a specific stimulus. Remember Pavlov's dog: bell rings or the light bulb — and the dog salivate. People at the level of reflexes not much different from animal. When we look at someone who was interested in us, we hold eye contact a little longer than in a normal social interaction. But if we are still in this touch on his arm or say his name, given the precarious situation, we remember.
2. To be flexible
a Young girl enters the harem. The daughter of an Orthodox priest, which drove into captivity and then sold as a slave. Fifteen years old, she enters a country and environment that is radically different from her usual. Consistently losing everything: family, freedom, faith, name — the girl does not break, and, having shown miracles of adaptability, the slave becomes the main woman in Turkey, the mother of the heirs to the throne.
movie: Alexander tells Suleiman that he wants to accept Islam. Suleiman endorses this decision and gives her a new name — Hürrem, which translated from Turkic means "blooming, cheerful, pleasant." Along with the name of the girl gets a new identity.
Why it works: if we do not dwell on the past, understand that at some point the habitual patterns of behavior do not work, and try to find new meanings, values, relationships, activities, Hobbies, we get much more bonuses and buns. Our minds are very afraid of change, because it seeks stability. But any stability eventually turns into stagnation. If we boldly face our fears, we always get more than we lose.
3. To have children from beloved men
movie: Hürrem bore süleyman six children.
Why it works: kids — this is our entry for the immortality. In today's world dads are playing an increasingly important role in the upbringing of the younger generation. And even if you don't live together, give birth makes sense from loved ones. The child will eventually manifest traits of his father, and if he was unloved, it is difficult not to project onto the little man's attitude to his dad.
4. Constantly evolve
movie: Hürrem was one of the most educated women of her time, knew several languages, studied Turkish, doing charity work, building mosques, hospitals and schools. According to historical records, she captivated Sultan süleyman that asked for access to his library.
moreover, during the military campaigns of Suleyman she became his chief political adviser. She wrote him long letters describing what was happening in the city, the harem and at court, was not forgotten to announce that, despite being very busy, misses him, and dedicated poetry to him. Hürrem is considered the founder of the womens era of the Sultanate in the Ottoman Empire — a time when, in the absence of the Sultan, women ruled the country.
Why it works: from a woman who is of interest primarily to myself, never leave a man. In the series to make it more interesting and add some drama, Hürrem at different times there were a few rivals. In fact, according to history, Sultan Suleiman was faithful to her: choosing Hürrem his woman, he was monogamous.
5. To be financially independent and help others
All members of the family of the Sultan lived in the harem, as well as loose women, received a salary. They could spend it on your own. Traditionally, the harem said the mother of the Sultan, she also did a lot of charity work. Hürrem eventually even founded a Foundation in his own name and continued this tradition.
Why it works: if we are financially independent, firmly standing on their feet. And if we help others, we make the world a better place not only for themselves but also for others.
6. Don't be afraid to take risks and go to the end
movie: Suleiman so much value in society Hürrem that even grant her freedom. It would seem, live and rejoice, but she refuses the Sultan in the vicinity under the pretext that, while he was a slave, could not argue with the Sultan, but now she is free, and according to Muslim law the connection of two free people is considered fornication. Sulaiman is furious, and asks his mother, Valide Sultan, Hürrem to send from the Palace. Hürrem really took a big risk: she fell out of favor and could even lose your life for disobedience. Suleiman very bored Hürrem too. And then something happens out of the ordinary: Suleyman marries a former slave, and bestows on her the title Haseki Sultan. The rulers of the Ottoman Empire had never married girls from the harem, no matter what high origin.
Why it works: when we really appreciate and are afraid to lose, we're going to do anything to it to hold the things work, especially people and relationships. Therefore, the work ultimatums, another thing that put them only if you are really ready to lose what you already have. If not — then you shouldn't even start.
Photo from open sources