"no One owes anyone anything", "I have nothing", "nothing to me" -a phrase that does not sound now is that of iron. Especially fashionable to pronounce them, disappeared from the radar after the first sex, ending the relationship without explanation, do not fulfill the promise, not returning someone else's thing or just bismarckallee in the curtain, and wiping greasy fingers on the tablecloth.
After the cult of "you must", we find ourselves in a different polarity - "nobody owes anybody anything". Moreover, a good and right sense, "we must not meet someone else's expectations" is reduced to banal vulgarity should not be polite, do not have to abide by the rules of life do not have to worry about how the thing with us, should keep their word should not fulfill the promises.
actually, we have a lot of different things without commitment it is impossible to live in society, in family, in relationships. Even Robinson Crusoe had obligations to the goat and Friday, otherwise they would not remain with him so long.
But what we really need is to apologize and confess for the discrepancy between people's expectations is:
how do you dispose of your body. Birth 45, 18 or not to give birth at all - that's your business and your personal choice. No one who condemns you or asks pesky questions will not share responsibility for it. Don't feed your child, walk him, not taking yourself, if you find that you're not ready for motherhood.
what is your sexuality, especially for what it is, in principle, have. For choosing to surrender to the first comer, with whom you have physics, or saving myself for someone to physics and added the relationship, but that he did not want sex, do not want certain poses or experiments, or on the contrary they crave for. We have the right to their orgasms or lack thereof. And even if they do not exist, are not obliged to explain to anyone why.
say "No" when you don't want to do what you have to offer. Even in a situation of saving someone else's life, all the experts suggest to evaluate whether there is a threat to self and not to intervene in the process if the threat is or you do not have the skills, resources, and effort to change something. What can we say about small requests, favors, the offers are showered on us every day? Especially when you are trying to take on "weak" - "what a pity you do to me such a trifle, think, spend half an hour time, you hard to help me, I'm not so often now." Remember the perfect answer to the Transfiguration Professor at the urgent request of the house Committee to donate money to the children of Germany "do not want". You have every right "not to want" to give any resource.
what is your family status and at what age. You can log on to marry, to divorce, to remain in a civil partnership or a loner - it's all your choice. To share responsibility for it not found wanting. But all the pressure and pushing the "it's time to marry when the grandchildren, a good man, where you still such will find, you need someone divorcee with two children, live not understand with whom, ashamed before the people". To be ashamed or excited - he gets divorced, gets married – in General doing everything that is trying to persuade you. And you'll determine what to do with your life.
what is your relationship with your parents. relationship with the children, meet you, and that's what the relationship between you and your parents in the zone of their responsibility. At least because the parent-child relationship, the child is dependent and not Mature and it is the parents who guide him and help to grow up. And create database relations. They smooth over the conflicts and critical moments. Because adults. Your duty is to help and support frail parents, but not to sacrifice their lives, to endure their whims, insults, nitpicking, and to be the only one trying to establish something.
how do you spend your finances. You have the right not to want to donate money to children in Africa or homeless animals or the search for a cure for cancer. You earn money by hard work and only you have the right to choose what to do with them. If you choose to stay, but not to save another suffering, then you now need is rest, or the following suffering can be you. It will save the one who is now more of a resource. And you, when will recover and gain strength, do something for someone who they are not.
But otherwise, Yes, we should and must remain with respect to the same people. Treat them as you want them to treat you. Then life will be comfortable interaction between equals, not a Manifesto or boors solid heavy burden of imposed obligations and bitter resentment.
Author: Elena Sundra
SOURCE: women's magazine LISA
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