When it comes to sex education of the daughter, often the parents, instead of an honest conversation limited to the silencing of, intimidation or strict control and accusations of promiscuity. This inevitably leads to problems in adulthood. Why is this happening? Let's deal.
1. Parents talking to daughter about sex
Parents with great caution watching their children grow up. A girl becomes a teenager and begins to linger on the street. Appearing in the company of boys. And mom and dad without stopping begin repeating, so she was careful.
the Girl might not yet understand very well what it was. She grew up on fairy tales about parental love and a handsome Prince. Most likely, she won't even look at these guys as potential suitors — it's just interesting to them. She begins to fall in love, but the Prince is still out there somewhere. The guy on the bike that a few years ago, pulled her pigtails, can scarcely be thus.
Parents awkward to directly ask the daughter what she knows about sex, they used to think about this part of his life with the embarrassment. They themselves had to hide from their parents what they do when they are alone with each other. Because they had the feeling that they are doing something wrong, so they were brought up. In the XXI century, and they still are embarrassed to talk about sex and continue to keep a paternal or maternal prohibitions.
2. Parents intimidate daughter
Once the girl lingered longer than usual. Parents learned that she was with a boy. Or just suspected it. And when she returned home, gave her a shake.
I know examples when fathers beat their daughters, and mothers called them dirty words, wash from the dirt, rough brush. "Prostitute" — a verdict they make, fearing that the daughter "will bring in the hem" or go gossip about what she was doing is not permissible. Only one thought about it they were wild with fear and contempt. They make daughter a sense of shame and demand that she leave his studies in physics in the evenings, the guests Petya.
For a child growing up in this family, the words of parents — law. So often it only takes one sentence, one look, to make her remember the main point: you can't sleep with men, sleep with men — it's embarrassing. Perhaps heard other words, but in the minds they are imprinted that way.
3. Strict internal censor leads to breakdowns
some time Passes, and "good girl" becomes "bad". It begins with the fact that she is experiencing sexual attraction and, one way or another, sexual pleasure.
most Likely, the first sexual experience occurred as if without her knowledge, as if she couldn't control. Might have a drink with friends or too carried away by some feelings and began to whirl the head.
Such circumstances often do not indicate weak will or too emotional (although it happens), but on the contrary, a high level of self-control. Under the supervision of strict inner censor this happen could not — that's why he needed to get rid of (e.g. too much alcohol).
So, achieving the opposite goal, parents push teenager to commit rash acts. But the main problem is that she now feels "dirty" about in her head says newly awakened voice of my mother.
4. Shame displaces normal sexuality
Shame and horror the girl from the incident force to guard against a repetition of these feelings and situations. To do this, you can start to get fat, poorly dressed, less to communicate with people and as fire to be afraid of boys. You can get confused to what solution will be to change the orientation. It really seems a good solution: because the dangerous boys, and girls seems to be not. Although this choice will entail consequences and new conflicts.
the Girl Matures, but constantly feels his own inferiority. She's blocking their sexuality and may not feel like a woman. Although she says that loving relationships do not develop just because she wasn't beautiful enough that it required surgery the plastic surgeon and diet.
Trying to displace the shame, the girl can begin to play the role of someone to become afraid. She reasons that if to have a sexuality and to be attracted is to be "a prostitute", it means to be a woman of the same. Each time the sense of shame only increases. To cover his "emancipation" requires more forces, risky and extreme action.
In both cases, normal sexuality is displaced: it expresses itself or is distorted.
5. Internal conflict is expressed physically
Any internal conflict sooner or later is displaced on the physical level. So, the girl who accepted that sex is something shameful, was able to meet with vaginismus. It is a painful contraction of the muscles of the vagina, which makes sex impossible. Contraction of muscles leads to a decrease in local immunity and the emergence of infectious or fungal diseases.
Along with this can be observed hypertonicity of other intimate muscles and the muscles of the buttocks and the adductor muscles of the thigh. It is also called the muscle of morality, because it helps compress the leg, not allowing anyone to their genitals or worsening blood circulation in them that inhibits sexual desire.
the Amount of exposure to the shortened muscle leads to even more serious consequences. Poor circulation to the female organs, lowered immunity, premature aging and menopause, disorders at conception and during pregnancy, lack of female hormones, tumors. Now, the woman collects the fruit planted in her earlier complexes.
the Meaning of the sexual revolution, which, in fact, never came up to the edges, was the fact that each person decides what to do with his body, and his sexuality is his own business. And the woman has the same rights and freedom in relation to the intimate life of a man.
Patriarchal values justify the privileged position of men the guarantee of reliable protection of women. In the first place — from sexual violence and humiliation as an object of sexual desire. But here's the paradox: they protect the woman from even its own sexuality.
My submission for your site: https://psy.systems/post/zapreschennaya-zhenschina