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the last article I wrote, how to conduct a "soil analysis" - to identify what habits and beliefs you are. What elements interfere with, pollute and poison you.

Now we'll work on how to improve the quality of the "soil". Of course, you first need to figure out what you plan to grow, i.e. what your goals are.

let me Remind you that the goal should be specific. This means that if you do it a different way, he will understand it that way, as you know. So, the goal "be happy" is NOT a goal, it is too abstract and not concrete. For someone to be happy is to have a family and job, for someone not work at all or live on a desert island.

Now would be a pretty picture, pause, look at her. And specify its purpose.



Ready? By the way, if you have any doubts or questions to the target, write it in the comments, we'll discuss and to make it more functional.

Usually ask to set a date to achieve the goal. But, in my experience, this is not always useful when talking about personal relationships, for example. So, if the end date comes to mind – don't torture yourself.

Now you need write (or findings) from the previous exercise. Just in case I give a link again. Specifically, we are interested in items 7 and 8: the beliefs that bring you discomfort. The eighth paragraph is what bothers you most at the moment, it is wise to start with him.

so, how do these beliefs impede the achievement of the goal? Again, the answers must be specific. You might even recall a situation when I was close to his goal, but something stopped you. Now our task is to figure out what is the role of these beliefs in your life and how they work.

We're not computers, and just remove beliefs will not work. It's much more efficient to change them or limit their scope. Understanding how they work and how you brake, you can have them recast.

Let's take the example about happiness. Suppose the goal: to have a strong family and children, to be able to negotiate and work together to solve problems. And the most disturbing belief – not in money happiness. Where is the connection?

Suppose in the preceding relations the main themes of quarrels and misunderstandings were issues of material. Beloved our client insisted that it is necessary to have a home, a good career before having children. Of course, the belief rebelled: happiness is not in money, the house will not eliminate conflict, children not well brought up. This is just excuses, obsession with money. In this case, the belief is useful to reformulate: happiness is not money, they are only one of many ways to build it.

it is important that the value of beliefs is not denied completely. It is emphasized that there are many things that help people to achieve the goal, money is only one of many factors. This indicates that to build their own happiness is the person himself respectively independently choosing "materials". So he takes responsibility for what is happening. With this belief it will be possible to find out what does money mean for the beloved: the goal or steps to achieve it. This belief has the opportunity to discuss the importance of money in relationships.

Now another picture to give you time to think about their own beliefs.



To a new or changed belief has taken root, it has to be realistic. Then remember and Google the situation and the history of when it worked and confirmed, you need to make sure that you are not engaged in a deception (Yes, this also happens).

And also it should fit harmoniously into the overall picture of your personality. re-Read again all found at his beliefs, useful including. Do not contradict them new? Does they live?

Not all beliefs are harmful, not all of them is to get rid of. And change them is one at a time. Therefore, it is important that the newcomer settled down, made friends with the others. If now there is a contradiction – change the newbie, and not all those around him.

Next comes the long and difficult adaptation of new beliefs to you. Well, you to him. At this time it is especially important to notice when you go back to the old belief, remember it. In this connection it arose? If this situation is to apply a new belief that will be better, what opportunities you have?

At this stage you can gradually introduce healthy habits that you and your new belief will support. Now they need meticulous care: reward yourself for completing them, keep records, to understand, when they returned to the old and why it happened.

It's like weeding: you need to pluck them regularly, then eventually they will stop growing. If you go to the psychologist, the lion's share of this burden falls on him.

And if you adult, very smart, very independent person and able to deal with their problems without assistance, read here this. And, of course, day after day, learn to care for a garden, learn yourself. And you need to nurture in ourselves the miracle flower that will fulfill all your wishes!

Ekaterina Shamina
2018-08-17
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