I - The Old Woman


When I look at my life in chronological order, it seems chaotic and senseless for most of its trajectory. When rewind the movie backwards, all (or almost all, life's still not finished) is built in a natural, logical, and if not correct, it is more or less clear path.

Readers touched and inspired by stories where the character decided to leave the stuffy office and regulated by life on the East searching for the meaning of his existence. I went to the East has already found his meaning, no stuffy office with your favorite work. But in the absence of cine my story, she was not deprived of its scale transformations.

I really Went from something: from stagnation in my mind, from my own fears, from the way of existence which has lost all meaning to me (although the way I wanted and created myself). And the story of the return 4.5 months later is not marked visible scale transformation (but after all, the restructuring has, and it is described in the article Journey as an existential experience).

Many years of his life before the trip I devoted to the arts: theater, theater work on stage and in the prop shop, lessons on piano and saxophone (in my repertoire was dominated by jazz), art school (all my paintings away in a methodological division is to show students how to draw), ballroom dancing, school models. (I already wrote that the school was dominated by a passionate love for mathematics that led me to the physics Department). Then the faculty of psychology and psychology as a practice and science sucked me for 15 years. And throughout my adult history, I was looking for my philosophy of life. In 20 years I have attended the Orthodox school, read the Bible. It was followed by the reading of the Bhagavad Gita and chat with the hare Krishnas. The affair with him lasted longer and brought me more satisfaction. I tried to read the Quran and Gurdjieff, and Osho... the Most enjoyable of the theoretical knowledge was familiarization with Zen Buddhism and I tried to meditate but were not looking for teachers.

In 2007, after psychological seminars "Spiritual experience" (strange now I think the claim of psychologist-coach for spiritual teaching) I started to aggressively come in dreams, definitely read as a recommendation to go to a Buddhist center. I woke up invariably surprised and thought that "I am a decent lady, I will not go there". But the dreams came harder and Jabneh. After weeks of resistance, I finally forced myself to obey.

as soon as he began to meditate as it is done in the tradition of Tibetan Buddhism, having received a direct transmission from the spiritual teachers, I saw the result: for example, I was able to stop the flash of irritation and anger on the way to speech. After 2 years I finally met the Lama and received shelter. And then it went all to change dramatically with little or no effort on my part.

And somewhere in this moment, but not because of Buddhism but because of my disappointment in the professional path that I have chosen, I resigned from everywhere and went to the Himalayas.

And there, meditation, meetings with teachers, pilgrimage to Buddhist sites in the East, the study of texts by teachers, translated into Russian language and easy climbs in the mountains... In the process I saw that my favorite existential philosophy and Vajrayana Buddhism in tune with many of the underlying theses. In my experience, existentialism began to soften the philosophy of Buddhism. I've significantly softened and was growing warmer.

a year ago, I clearly felt that what I do in the practice aid can not be called a pure existentialism. And the basic ideas of my understanding of the world has developed in a distinct language which developed in the text of Eastern existentialism. The basic methods.

Perhaps, is already to come to the end of the General composition of my story, denoting where I have come as a result of his journey, or at least a common idea of presenting this story. While looking at the popular authors of the 21st century, such as Victor Pelevin, Sasha Sokolov and James Joyce, clear composition, and logical storytelling in the modern world are not the merits of the artwork. And also with meanings.

Complete. I can think of biographies of the great who changed our view on art, music, science. I have dedicated 15 years to the study of creative people (see my book "the World of the creative person") and discovered the challenging world of a creative person, following your gut, throwing "unmotivated" and one novice to another, uncomprehending, sometimes himself and sometimes conflicting with himself and family, because of its incomprehensibility. But once these searches and wanderings have resulted in something beautiful, something that changed the world and brought joy and pleasure to many people. From my researched, in this case, no one asked the idea will be famous or make a fortune (and someone, for example, Vincent van Gogh, has not earned a penny in his entire life), and have everyone follow only his own interest, curiosity, thirst for knowledge and the desire to be useful. And this is what motivates me.

And what has changed as a result abrupt changes in the trajectory of my movement through life? First, I became more like myself! Secondly, no longer afraid of their desires, and learned to implement them. Third, now I'm only doing what you like: consult, write, read books existential psychotherapists, meditating and studying Buddhism, traveling and enjoying relationships with family and socializing with colleagues and friends. And the important thing is I found his method of helping others. In meditations on the psychological seminars, I always came the image of an old woman, dressed in grey and seated in the cave. And I was nice this way. It is a way of wisdom. Yes, I'm old, sitting in a cave and talking with those who want to touch the knowledge.

Cost for this one day to drop everything and go on a trip? Should have done it 5-7 years before!

Gumerova Rima
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