How is it hard it's hard to accept the idea of the death of a loved one. That's the idea, not that fact. For me, the most tragic and completely unrealistic was the day my grandmother died. She left suddenly, hard and lonely.

I would like to say that it is impossible to tell you what happened to me when I found out about it. And words something like there, but in my grief, they are too weightless, almost empty. For me she was the most dear man. As wrote I. Yalom in his book "the cure for love and other therapeutic stories": "to Lose your parents or an old friend often means to lose the past: the man who died may have been the only witness to the Golden days of the past". My grandmother was the sole guardian of my childhood, my feelings, my experiences. She introduced me to the world of unconditional love. She was the uninhabited island on which to escape, to breathe, to calm down and gather strength.

And now she was gone. Call from your mom, the simple words: "Grandma died." I opened my mouth, but the sounds go, I knew I had to cry, but no tears. I was in a panic exactly one minute. Then gathered his thoughts: "It's not true" was to engage in the usual chores.

I didn't go to the funeral. 9 days, 40 days a year – for me it's just numbers.

the Fact of denial I have lasted more than a year. I talked about grandma a little, but mostly in the present tense. Couldn't look at her photos. Haven't talked about this with anyone, because someone could try to destroy my myth that she's still alive. In their grief, I tried not to let anyone in.

However, these rare conversations with friends, family gave a great impetus to move on. Now, remembering my grandmother, I cried. Cried a lot, and can say, with pleasure. I felt better. There was a lot of sadness. But along with it came calm, some relief and all the clearer it became clear that life continues.

it took a year and a half after this event. I am still struggling to think about what very close to me anymore, but I'm glad she was in my life. Not to count what she was able to give me. And here I was born in the feeling of gratitude and great affection.

to Lose is not easy to lose family, even more difficult, but I know exactly what the loss in life comes something new. And the main thing – to be able to see this new and to give him the opportunity to come into your life.