Life after divorce


Breakup – one of the most devastating emotional events in a person's life. It is comparable a loss. Also have to accept the fact that this person will never happen again, he had meetings and conversations have to delete his phone number, to abandon the joint plans and hopes. Of course, if we don't talk about the breakup when the former partners no longer be a couple, in the truest sense of the word, but remain good friends, with the memory of everything good that was. In this article we will talk about a dramatic and painful breakup, when once-close friends become strangers or even enemies.

the Biggest blow when the separation is applied to the person for whom such news became a bolt from the blue. In one moment his world collapses, the entire way of life is senseless and useless. The feeling of rejection lead to critical reduction of self-esteem, loss of confidence in their own sexual attractiveness and other negative consequences. Often someone left have literally to put those parts and re-learn to live. He is forced to accept that in this new life he is one, there is no one to tell over dinner as the day passed, no one to consult in a difficult situation and ask for support. Well when you have close people that you can temporarily lean on, and regain their emotional state. And if there is not…

the Initiator of the gap in General support very rarely. Usually it only irresponsible jerk who broke the heart of his devoted second half. In other words if he had not, then all would be well. Left partner plagued by thoughts about how one gets new life the former. Haggard imagination draws pictures romantic dates, walks under the moon and passionate nights. This further strengthens the emotional pain. In some cases, the one who threw, making a real attempt to learn about what is happening in the life of the former, talking about him with mutual friends, monitors his social media pages or even starts to chase on the street. However, all he can see is significantly different from what actually happens to the soul of the initiator of the break.

What it really feels whoever decided to put in a relationship point:

guilt, it usually comes when they leave not anywhere, but to someone. Even if new relationships are much more satisfying than the former, the internal conflict is not going away. The realization that the gap was in this situation, the best solution does not reduce painful experiences. In the foreground the hope that the former half will soon find a new object for romantic relationships and it is little to reduce the painful feeling.

Between two fires if the separation occurred after more or less long on the side, then the initiator of the break can occur amazing metamorphosis of the senses. Some time later, he can clearly feel that he misses the abandoned partner. While extra-marital Affairs were kept secret, they took possession of his thoughts and fantasies. But when new favorite object was installed emotional control, its attractiveness began to melt before our eyes. But the left half was again free and independent. The idea that it can enter into new relationships, encourages strong desire to regain power over her and to prevent such a situation. In such cases, there may be a steady tendency to come and go. Throwing relationships into the relationship can last until one of periodically leave the partners will not patience. Then the decision about the break-up was already taking the second side, and a former proponent remains confident that all the same made a mistake.

the Frustration – a secret love on the side can play with someone who threw a cruel joke. The success of winning the competition are able to give extramarital partner a sense of complete control over the relationship. This, in turn, generates an emotional inequality in the new Union. Not long ago a cheater was sure to love both sides and to choose between them, but now the way back is closed, and the new partner becomes more independent and detached. So he repeats the fate of those he left behind.

Bitter taste of freedom, often the first days after a breakup, accompanied by the initiator of euphoria and burst of energy. He can go where he pleases, making new friends and generally spend time as they like. However, swallowing of freedom fully, he may notice that the pleasant feeling of her disappear somewhere. They have been replaced by a sense of insecurity. Being in a relationship he perceived intimacy and comfort for granted, and now to obtain them need to make significant efforts. He rushes to find a new romantic partner, which cannot always be successful. The second half settles in his soul is empty.

Loss of former attractiveness to the opposite sex. While in a stable relationship needs intimacy and communication are usually satisfied. No need to take care of them gives a person ease and charm. After the break, these needs begin to assert themselves, and spontaneity is replaced by an emotional concern. Potential partners feel this urgent need in the relationship, which often becomes a cause of formation of dependent relations.

the Whole range of negative experiences is not a guarantee that the initiator of the break will attempt to reconcile with the former half. If at the time of separation problems in relationships past the point of no return, it is probably the memories of them hurt him to take a step forward. If the relationship was more good, that is, the probability of falling into another trap. When the initiator is to confess to your ex, he may feel that he is now master of the situation and has the right to nominate any of their demands. So there is a new emotional imbalance, which over time will again bring relationships to the brink. Because the stage of the reunion – this is the best time to consult a psychologist who will help to clarify the remaining contradictions and to bring relations to a higher level.

In the case of the final gap is the same, do not neglect psychological help. To part can also be different. And whether this occurs depends on the intensity of feelings and the subsequent fate of the relationship. Despite the fact that the partners are physically together but live in different apartments, cities, countries, etc., between them may remain invisible emotional connection. In whatever relationship they did not join in the future, the image of the former, or the former will become invisible to present. This is on an unconscious level, there is a new partner who is unlikely to tolerate such a “Ted”. Thus, unexamined emotional connection becomes a time bomb that suddenly able to destroy the nascent feelings.

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With sincere respect and care,

the Psychologist, Irina Nycnative

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