Misconception, they say, love don't study contributes to the identification of love and of love as permanent, unchanging feelings. If two people strangers to each other people, what they have been up for some time, suddenly let the wall separating their collapse, this moment of connection is becoming one of the most exciting and beautiful experiences in their lives. This miracle of sudden intimacy is often begins with physical desire and its satisfaction. However, this type of love is by its very nature short-lived.
Two people are getting to know each other, their closeness more and more loses the wonderful novelty, until their antagonism, their disappointment, their satiety each other not extinguish the remains of the former fire.
in the Beginning they did not expect such a finale: their power was seized by the wave of blind passion. Selfless insanity on each other is not a proof of the strength of their love, but only testimony to the immensity of the preceding loneliness.
to avoid a collapse of love and comprehend the essence of this feeling, it is important to realize that love is also an art to live, and he needs to learn, like any other art.
the Advice of the eminent psychologist Erich Fromm on mastering the practical art of love, may be too General or trivial, but you do not rush to deny them. Not to pass a hasty sentence that they do not understand.
Fromm says that the practice of love requires, first and foremost discipline. How it is interpreted? Mode displays of affection? Planning kissing? Schedule expressions of tenderness? No, of course. Not so primitive. Discipline, apparently, is restraint of impulses, destructive love: jealousy, rudeness, excessive demands, restrictions of freedom. You can list many. That's not the point to mention all cases where you have in the name of love stop yourself and manifest outer peace, to achieve inner balance. Intuition will always tell you what can and what can not.
Uncontrollable "Ego" often provokes us to examine, and suddenly our gross interference in the life of a loved one not only get away with it, but will give us some advantage in this "eternal blood fight between two of selfishness".
lack of Restraint is especially characteristic of women. They understand that nagging and scandals the rust eat away the love but the pain of men neglect makes them forget everything. Women's tantrums and tears is also a kind of signal: "our relationship is not all right. I miss your attention. Show some tenderness. Confirm that I still loved". Don't go in response to these rapid, but inadequately expressed feelings, in a turtle shell recognition of their guilt and embrace the argumentative, the incident will be exhausted. So manifest your discipline in love.
Another step to master the art of love Fromm calls the practice of concentration. The best example of focus is the responsiveness of the mother to her child". She notices any physiological changes, needs and concerns of the child even before they are openly expressed. She wakes up from the crying child, while the other louder noises failed to Wake her up.
All this means that she feels her child. It is not alarming and not restless, and is in a state of alert balance, sensing any signal coming from the child." Also, you should feel beloved, her fatigue, her joy, all the subtle changes of her moods. When she's annoyed, understand the cause of her discomfort, and not get attached to the reason that caused the conflict.
the Third condition is mastering the art of love is patience. In communication two of enthusiasm alternating with alienation. Love the passions we quickly get tired of the intensity of the feelings, however, the decline they perceive as disaster.
Learn to patiently wait for alienated himself beloved again save tenderness. Teach patience and respect for her, because you also need time to restore.
Sincere interest in the analyst reckons the conditions of mastery. And do you find happiness in love only if you achieve it at least with no less interest than make a career. Now, of course, not the days of chivalry, when cultivated courtly love and manhood was assessed by the ability to serve a beautiful lady, but today it is believed that the man who cannot truly love, is flawed. Defective in the sense that it violates the basic law of nature. Because it is not by chance created not asexual man, and man and woman.
to Attain the fullness of its existence, the man can only be in Union with the beloved.
the more interest you will comprehend the mysteries of the female soul, the more happy and secure you will feel.
According to Fromm, love requires the development of humility, objectivity and reason. The whole life should be devoted to this purpose. Humility and objectivity are indivisible as love. I can't be truly objective to your family, if you can't be fair to others, and Vice versa.
If I want to learn the art of loving, I must strive for objectivity in every situation and be sensitive to situations where I'm wrong. I must try to see the difference between my generated image of a human, and a real personality that exists regardless of my interests, needs and fears. The achievement of objectivity and reason is half the road to achieving the art of love.
the Ability to love depends on the ability to break free from the egoistic concentration on yourself, love. In psychology this is called narcissism. Only it should be understood more broadly. We don't just admire him for who is, and can't get away from the mirror, but do not recognize the others ' right to their our style of existence.
the Practice of love requires practice, the faith. It is impossible without a serious relationship. To believe differently means to acknowledge him as the reliability and permanence of love.
a Man can change his mind, but the motivation should remain the same.
In the same sense, we believe in ourselves. We do not doubt the unchanging essence of the self, which remains largely unchanged throughout our lives. Our feelings change, but we remain ourselves. It is the sense of our self gives us a belief in our authenticity.
a Man believes his sweetheart only to the extent that he believes himself. Faith feeds on courage, ability to take risks, to accept even the pain and disappointment. And if your woman became small things to make a claim, it means that her faith in you and in your love began to dwindle. Put more of a barrier to doubt. There is nothing worse than to live having lost faith. The distance that a person from fear sets up between herself and others, makes him a prisoner. A man should be able to liberate his beloved from the prison of doubt and uncertainty.
And more. Love can't live long if you don't develop this quality by activity. This does not mean the fuss about the woman he loved. We are talking about internal mobility, the constant active interest in your loved one. Don't get all the little things of everyday life, if they can be solved without your help. Your activity may manifest itself in an active interest in the world, to people. The best of what you see around, you should bring in your love.
Not to be boring - it is a prerequisite in the art of love.
love should be the hallmark of your character. Only by learning to love a woman, the man will be able to develop the ability to fulfill the biblical commandment: "Love your neighbor as yourself." The love of a woman will eventually help you to fully and happily to show his character around completely.