When talking about the problems in the sphere of relations of children and parents, most parents see the cause of these problems in the child.

For example, if a child is having behavior problems (tantrums, aggression, disobedience, etc.), continuing this logic - that with the child and should be the main work.

But this is not true, especially when it comes to children-preschoolers (ages 3 - 6 years).

in order to make it clearer, imagine a long rope with one hand holding his parents with another child/children.

This means that two parties participate in the origin and solution to the problem, because the parents and the child associated with deep relations
attachment. The smaller the child, the more he is dependent on the adult, the more tied to him emotionally, i.e. it is easily included in the experiences of an adult.

When on the parents side of the storm – they're nervous, angry, frightened – a child is experiencing these feelings as their own. And it can give different responses: also begin to get angry, to stand on the ears to switch parents, sick and many more.

This connection mechanism is very important from the point of view of preservation of relations with significant adults.

Let's look at this relationship in the aggressive behavior of the child.

Ask yourself the question: if a child shows aggression against peers who have the problems? This question is not as simple as it may seem. Indeed, in this situation, the first "arrive" is not necessarily to the child. Most likely, it parents have "to be answerable, to apologize" for the behavior of their child.

When your parents tell you about the nefarious behavior of the child, they have a lot of feelings:

shame before others, that they bad to raise a child
- the impotence of not know how to be in this situation
- anger at the child for what he acting
- fear that such behavior may be expelled from kindergarten, and to leave the child with anyone....

All the emotions and feelings experienced by the parent is very important when dealing with a certain problem!

first, the analysis of the problems of feelings the parents often helps to understand the roots of unwanted behavior of the child (remember the rope).

secondly, helps to establish communication between parents and child, because when feelings are recognized by parents themselves, the passions are reduced. And this, in turn, helps calm look at the situation and to seek the necessary solutions.

if I have Convinced you that the parents ' feelings is important in solving problems in a child?

Excellent! Then I suggest right now, if your child is having behavior problems, to ask the question: what do I feel about it, what associations come to my mind? – utter them to myself or write them in your journal.

If after speaking to your senses, you are still experiencing a strong emotion - you stormy, your feelings only intensified, it may be a sign that with these feelings it is better to work with a psychologist.

With a love for children, understanding parents, Maria..

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