A difficult teenager. Counselling for parents. Part 2


Continue on the topic of counseling parents of difficult adolescents. In this article, continue the diagnostic phase. I use the diagnostic form of exercise. For what? To get the result... When working with a teenager who got into difficult life situation situation, a teenager with deviant behavior, it is important in the early stages of working with parents to find out the cause of the behavior of a teenager, but not to throw the parents a questionnaire of 100,200, etc. issues. It's obvious that in education there were some errors. Therefore, it is important to show the person why the teenager behaves and what child wants their behavior to say....

the Main reasons for the problematic behavior of adolescents (9 to 17) total 4.

I during the consultation, offer to work with the diagnostic tables, as well here is a detailed manual to them:


  1. Take a sheet of blank paper and a pen.
  2. Record at the top of the sheet problematic behavior that you chose.

Note that we do not work with all from the difficulty, namely, with any one specific problem behavior.

  • I will consistently represent the 4 tables. What to do with them, I will tell you.

recall that we now find out the hidden reason why the child being a bad boy in the family, to this cause problematic behavior to neutralize, and means to correct the child's behavior.

so. Here is the first table.

Actions of the child and its behavior


• Stubborn.

• Often argues.

• Needs to win. Stands on his own, even if obviously wrong

• Must be master of the situation.

• Often lies.

• do Not subject.

• Does not do what he was asking, and the opposite is true.

• Can refuse to do anything.

• Irritated, angry, outraged.

• Feels defeated.

• Feels that the child challenged him, provoked him.

• Feels the need to force the child

to submit.

• Forcing a child to obey.

• Trying to solve the situation, shouting, persuasion, restrictions, punishments, spankings.

you Have a problematic behavior of the child. You see how the child behaves. And in response to his behavior you have some reaction.

Now you have two columns: "Action of the child and his behavior and Reaction of the parents."

Work with the first.

Read the points presented in the first column and write down on your sheet (or emphasize) those that characterize the behavior of your child, you recorded on top of the problem situation.

for Example, if you took a problematic child behavior, such as not fulfilling household duties, for example – doesn't wash dishes after a meal, you see, which is typical of his behavior from the left column of the table:

Stubborn? Yes, stubborn! – write on your sheet (or stress)

Often argue? Yes, often argues! – write to your sheet.

And similarly on other items.

But if some of the items of table is not suitable, you simply do not record on your sheet.

for Example, I got to the point: do not do what he was asking, and the opposite is true and I understand that this item is not suitable, the child doesn't act in this problematic situation – so I the item is not transferred into your sheet.

Now go to the right column on the same principle.

you Have selected the problematic behavior of the child that you recorded from the top of your list and you need to write on your sheet (or stress) – that's how you react in this situation.

Read all items from the right column of the table on your worksheet, write down (or underline) only the ones that suit you.

  • Excellent! You checked the table and wrote on your sheet (or underlined) only that the coming of the offered items. Now on your sheet at the bottom of your list will be a parallel line. T. o, we denote that this is the first table and it held.

somewhere at the top put number 1. This will be the first table. Remember that we have them 4.

  • Now the first table, count the number of prescribed items in each column – from left and right. Fold them and somewhere on the side, record the total number – which set of points you got on the first table.

table 2

Actions of the child and its behavior


• Prevents boring.

• Exposed on the show, trying to be a "clown" in school.

• Can be lazy.

• Likes to do so that it was pougovarivat

• Makes the parents pay him

attention, such as whining,

• Thinks: "I love, only if people pay attention to me".

• Can't be too obsequious.

• Can be too touchy.

• May be difficult to learn.

• easily Provoked.

• Often repeats one and the same.

• Tempt.

• Remains confused.

• Thinks the child takes him too much time.

• the Child bothers him.

• Trying to solve the situation, shouting, persuasion, restrictions, punishments, spankings.

Third table

Actions of the child and its behavior


• Can steal.

• Evil.

• Hurting children and animals.

• destroys Everything.

• Can lie.

• Often accuses others of injustice and dishonesty.

• May believe that he does not like.

• Wants to get even for the pain,

as he believes he caused.

• Wants to appear worse than he really is.

• Feels that no one understands.

• Mental pain and confusion.

in Anger.

• the Desire to settle scores, revenge.

• do Not like your child.

• Believes the child is not grateful.

• Wants to teach the child.

• Can configure other family members against the child or ask them not to talk to him.

• Can tell about his behavior to another

the parent in the hope that he will punish him.

Fourth table

Actions of the child and its behavior


• All kind says: "Let

me alone."

• Helpless.

• you May feel stupid

compared with the others.

• gives up and does not wish to participate in the event.

• doesn't want something from him demanded.

• Can set themselves too high

in order to do anything, because it's still very difficult.

• very upset and reproaches himself for mistakes and unreasonable expectations

• Tries to approach the child with different

parties and is disappointed when it fails.

• Begs or constantly reminded to do something

• May give up trying to force it.

• asks Very little from the baby.

• Spare the child.

• Wants to save him.

• Makes a child what he can do himself.

• Angry, irritated


table No. 1 the Struggle for power

power Struggle – the child does not have enough influence

He shows you who's in charge. He first of all decides what to do and how to act in each situation. This is often defiantly.

table No.2Attracting attention,

Attracting attention – when the child does not get enough recognition.

it is necessary to raise their self-esteem and see from others that it is appreciated.

table No. 3 the Revenge

Revenge – the child is protected

He takes revenge on you and remember it is boiling or, he hid inside a grudge on you and in any possible case he reimburses her. He knows what strings you pull and successfully does it.

No. 4 Avoidance

Evasion – the child needs to be alone with him.

How can this be expressed in behavior, actions?

He closed strongly from you and does not allow, it also meets the duty and everything is fine.

now when you clarified the reason for problem behavior (again focus on a clearly formulated problem) the psychologist with a client builds a future work. Sometimes (we've seen that in my practice) that the parent is enough to understand the reason, and then they solve the problem, in this case, I'm not impose their opinions, and sometimes it happens that a parent does not agree with the result in this case, I do not impose their opinions, and work on...

Oksana Alekseevna
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