Active, cheerful, friendly, is to communicate, feels the mood of other people. She is 33 years old and she has two children. Svetlana divorced her husband two years ago on their own initiative. But he did it so that the blame for the divorce left her husband.
She knows how to manipulate people and knows it. Does not make it a merit, and does not consider a disadvantage. She just lives: unhappy with myself, unhappy with others unhappy with his life.
Common in General history. Unusual in it that wants Svetlana to change your attitude to life, to yourself. So asked for help from a psychologist.
"I want love, I want to be happy with yourself. I want to take care of yourself, not because you must, but because I want to. I have some free time, but I don't know what to do. Or rather, I know I need to read, to exercise, because I have extra weight, go on a diet to make a face mask or hair. And to do it regularly that it became a way of life. And all I seem to want to do, but I can't concentrate. Something prevents me to do them, to change their lives. Something prevents me to love myself and take care of myself."
after Learning about the query Svetlana, I ask her: "What prevents You from loving yourself, to take care of myself, something for myself to do? How do You feel? What image occurs?"
Svetlana felt empty inside, and saw a grey shadow.
I invite Svetlana to represent the void, the shadow in front of him and tell her: "Show yourself emptiness, be filled with what needs to be filled."
After these words, Svetlana memories of my childhood
Three girls, 11 years old play together in Barbie dolls. One of them is a real doll, honey, clothing the doll is beautiful, bright, high-quality, diverse. The other two girls (Amy and her roommate) doll cheap, clothes are not so beautiful and not so much. The neighbor Lights a little sneak takes a beautiful dress itself and asks the World to keep dress yourself for a while. Light, not suspecting anything criminal, leave the dress at home. On the same day the theft is revealed. Parents are very strongly scolded the girl, shamed her: "You shamed us! How can you not ashamed? Our daughter is a thief! As we are now going to look people in the eye? You're not our daughter. We didn't bring you up!"
Explanation of the little girl was not heard and accepted the truth. At this point our daughter had a strong feeling that she can throw, she can refuse. And she better agree with all, take the blame give up the opportunity to defend their case.
it is IMPOSSIBLE to INSIST ON
you SHOULD ALWAYS AGREE WITH the PARENTS (SIGNIFICANT OTHERS), OTHERWISE I'll REFUSE
If I insist on, and do as you see fit, then I'm left alone, nobody wants me.
If I adapt to others, even to the detriment of themselves and their interests, I need other people, I recognize and accept loved ones, although I feel constant dissatisfaction and frustration.
these are decisions formed in the blond head of a little girl. And what you can do with them? Only pureprint!
I invite Svetlana to present little Sveta and tell her "I'll never leave you and never betray, I'll never refuse you can talk openly about their desires and needs, to Express their opinion. I will always be accountable and respectful to treat him. You can defend your position, if you think you are right. You don't need to adjust ourselves to anyone, if it's bad for you. I always accept and understand your position, because I love you. You for me best of all. You are me and I am you. We are one and always be together."
the Little girl was very happy. She was cheerful, happy, perky. And Svetlana herself gladly accepted this nice Gal as part of yourself.
we Then moved on to work with the images of the parents. The fact that mom Svetlana – educator in kindergarten and my dad held a senior position in the village where they lived. Life in the village is full of gossip, everyone knows each other and gossip because. The psychology of parents is clear: "what the neighbors will say? What others think? How not to embarrass myself!" Such a position in life causes people not to be themselves, and to be anything good, positive, so that others can say, "great! Hero! Righteous! Superman! The intercessor! Workaholic! Good soul! Assistant!"
so I propose to Svetlana to submit to their parents and tell them: "Thank you that you taught me how to live, you have invested in my education a lot of effort and energy. Now I know I need to do to be nice to others. I'm ready to be good to yourself. So I take from you your expectations and hope that you will love me for who I am, you'll want to know, see and be glad for what I really am. I'll never deserve your love and attention for its proper actions. I have the right to live the way I want and to love you and be grateful for all your efforts. I have the right to want and to satisfy their desires, even if it is not like you, my dear parents."
During the delivery of this message to parents Svetlana appeared the heat in his chest, as if something came back to her. Formed a certain distance from parents. It was a pleasant feeling.
In conclusion, we turned to the void, which to this point changed color to blue: "Emptiness, I let you be yourself, you can Express yourself the way you want, I'm not going to criticize you. I will support you and care about you."
And the emptiness turned into a fervent girl with cute pigtails sticking out in different directions. The baby was happy and laughed, was happy with life and themselves. Svetlana again took the girl, reunited with her and felt the taste of life, the desire to come home and do something enjoyable. And she realized that if she wants, it may be nothing to do and not to berate yourself for doing nothing. Indeed, idleness can sometimes be meditation, relaxation, opportunity to relax from the hustle and bustle, gain strength for new actions.
Svetlana gave consent to publish their case.
so taken in childhood decisions affect the life of an adult. Without professional help of the psychologist it is difficult to understand and solve sometimes simple, at first glance, tasks.
If you have any questions or need to work individually to write.