Subject life crises is still emblazoned on the top of the hit parade of questions addressed to me in individual and group work. I would like to share a couple of thoughts on this subject.
We all have already learned that the crisis is an opportunity, not a disaster. And even the fact that crises happen also seems to be as clear. But I'm often faced with the fact that the life crises even at a very high level of awareness perceived by us as a misfortune, a punishment... (the most psychologically advanced) at least as break in life.
As if before him there was life, after life begins, and the crisis it is necessary to wait, better to close-eyes-open-eyes and that it was over. We do not want to see the crisis as a disease , a part of life that can be lived and not to worry, pereterplyu.
I will Not consider here the extreme position of the festival's approach to life – "positive, positive, no alternatives." It to our (oops, public) fortunately, it is not so frequent today and this is more like a mental hope to grow out of diapers and start to live by yourself. If you do not get out of the cradle of the eternal feast and country Peter pan, life very quickly starts to take a very painful form of all of which refused inside starts to happen outside while God is unchanging positive won't break is our big frame in the middle.
Many of us, gently or harshly, lost his illusions about the constant victory of good over evil, about the possibility of finding the key to eternal celebration, health, love, joy, sex, youth (underline), and realized that crises of personal development is inevitable. Nevertheless, we as if would tend to slip through them quickly and talk about them as about the unhappiness that escape is impossible. We are trying to get it under control a lot of theoretical knowledge about the crisis, a special relaxation complexes, or at least books, movies, to have something to occupy that time in the depression crisis were not in vain (you can't afford in our super-efficient world for nothing useless to waste time).
I Have a few thoughts that I took away from his own residence crises (Hello my fantasies about high efficiency of my crisis):
- there is No theoretical knowledge about your personal crisis. A lot of theory, General laws, all that exists, of course. They are useful for professionals who support a person in crisis, or even less useful for his family to understand what to deal with. The knowledge that is in your personal hell is something that is familiar to everyone, you too can maintain to a large extent, help stabilize the chaos. But, alas, all these tons of theoretical information does not help to find their individual answers about the problems of his crisis. Just because crises of adult life we need it in order to make her individual, unique, your own. And for anyone anymore.
- Professional psychologist working in any of the underlying trends, doesn't know what the answers to your crisis what you are looking for in it and what a tumor should appear so you can continue to live, but but he knows how sought your own answers. Is the "how" is priceless.
- You can't do the crisis shorter. You can't make it less painful. Though defeated. And no one can. But you can make him happier. Yes, this is not a bug. We tend to confuse happiness and pleasure. Fun is always impossible, it's fantasy. But the happiness (happiness), it is from the word happen (happen). You can learn how to live happiness is what happens, not in the endless orgasm the next holiday, impressions, purchases, achievements, casual relationships. It's a skill that is impossible to buy individually. We need the experience from someone to take, to copy. As it is impossible to learn to love. We learn to love from my mom. To live happiness from her. Ideally. If the ideal is not possible, then in adult life we need someone who can do it with us, so we've learned to live with happiness and love for yourself. (Take this opportunity give a big thank you to the people at different stages of my life were my psychologists).
- And not quite right about the crisis, but I really want to say. In the marshmallow-caramel world of children's imagination is almost everything. Often even that is boring for adults people never dreamed of. There, under certain conditions, and luck can come true any dream (sometimes even in reality). But there is only one. There there can not be relations. Alas. And there are no right or wrong, just a fact of life that relationships we have to grow up. And is the choice of each.
Instead of a conclusion, slightly detached from the whole text, but is very related to magic tips we are all looking for, reading about crises, I'll tell you about the dream at the end of one of my most heavy, deep and interesting crises in which I had a thought (yeah, what did not see in the dream). It sounded like this: "the Crisis can be overcome when certain elements of the background will no longer automatically stack the same figure." This is not some kind of universal uniqueness and any gestaltist will say that the opening is quite trivial. But exit from the crisis or individuation can be the most mundane things and their uniqueness is that they are emasculated from other people's reasoning suddenly become born inside your life, your feelings.
And what recovery will be yours?