A little bit about personal boundaries and assertive behavior

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family consultations I am often asked the question men and women, why their partner is hurting them, shouting at them all the time irritated, what has become of their relationship, but at the beginning it was different.

In this situation I talk about personal boundaries. What personal boundaries? It is your psychological boundary, beyond which intrude others can not. People must clearly understand how you are to behave, and in the relations men and women, ideally from the very beginning to build a border.

for Example, if Your spouse raises tone on You, then I must say that I'm not going to speak in such a tone.

Normally people will first allow you to talk in a loud voice, in a rage, then allow you to shout, and then to fights in the neighborhood.

Many women also resent the fact that men constantly pay attention to other women and flirting with them in front of his second half.

What to do in this case?

to Put a border initially. Just to say that I don't like it when you pay attention to other women.

what to do if it doesn't lead?

Then, at other times just to look at the man or to walk away in silence that he realized that he had violated your boundaries.

And usually the girls frustrated shouting: "I told you not to stare at women!", and, of course, the man in the Creek does not react, but subconsciously as a child, I'm glad it drew so much attention.

Also on the need to set boundaries: "I'm not going to stay after 18.00 PM, I have a family". If You chief say initially, in a calm, smooth and confident tone, it will not be subsequently permanently attract you to work overtime.

What also helps set personal boundaries?

Your clear assertive behavior, that is behavior when you speak honestly and openly about his attitude to any action or statement of others.

When You remain calm even in difficult situations of conflict, when you clearly know what you want to achieve and what you need to feel calm and harmony.

What to do if your partner or significant other snaps at you, even if you calmly defend their views on your relationship or business?

you Need to calmly accept criticism, even if you are offended, you start to blame yourself in the shower, you still need to tell the flow of thoughts: "STOP!" and say to the attacker: "you May be right, but that's me," or "I am my own judge."

it is Important in the process of communication with others and spouses to hear their point of view, not only to prove, but you can still keep your personal boundaries from discomfort and disorders.

Usually people who are deeply engaged in the study of personal problems and relationships, self-development, behave in different situations, either passively or aggressively. That is, or attack the interlocutor, manipulating them, or just afraid of his wife, for example, do not Express the husband desires to change something in the relationship because you're afraid that he will leave, or are afraid of being considered a bad wife.

the man with the assertive behavior is always talking with another person on equal terms, without trying to assert themselves at his expense, perceives him as a person, as he is, understands that everyone can have their opinion, even if it is not satisfied or don't like. Passive, touchy people certainly believe that the partner wanted them to deliberately hurt, humiliate, but it's only their opinion about the partner, his intentions and point of view may be different.

So I wish you all success in conflict resolution and working on yourself!

Zhelobanov Anna
2018-09-15
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