Question from readers:
"Good evening, Mary! In the comments to the last post did not write, perhaps not all relevant. And I would be interested to know Your opinion about the motivation of the child to the responsible school (i.e., independent homework and its good, but not anyhow). Equating fives to the financial reward did not feel right, and how to motivate don't know . Are hacks, but well I did. Explain in words how to do it, but the result of consciousness do not see. I see that he listens to me, but somehow understands in its own way and the result is me not happy."

Answering this question that I think excites most parents, I could have a lot to say about the importance of excellent grades in school (I myself in the past a student), about learning motivation (no wonder I course in the Institute on this topic was written), but I won't.br>
I will Tell you a story.

one teenager at school in English was hopeless three. However, he was fond of computers and programming and could easily fix a broken gadget and install updates from time to time or to save laptop from virus. When I asked him why he doesn't teach English, because he is very useful in the future, as a programmer, he replied: "I know English. Just in English class in school is not interesting to me. The teacher gives some task, and she leaves. And almost nothing explained. I teach English through communication in the Internet and games" at First I really believed it. But when asked about his mother, she replied: "I surprised myself when I overheard it on the Internet communicating with their virtual friends on the American conversational English! A blog threes!"So, as you can see, evaluation is not an indicator of knowledge and skills. Good that this mom had the wisdom to support my son in his Hobbies, to trust him and not complain about the bad ratings.br>
Most parents just expect good grades in school from their children to prove to themselves that they are good parents. In our society it is accepted to brag about your child's progress, namely by fives. And if mom son troechnik, it seems like she's already a bad mother... it turns out that parents under the guise that I wish only the best for the children, hide their fears and worries. And that the child in the shower going on for the next scandal about bad school grades, adults just do not think. And all this happens only under good intentions: "I wish only the best for him!"

And what are all these exam and the CDF! Even sounds scary! And most importantly – the children absolutely terrified. They drop their Hobbies in order to go to the tutor of Russian, and even in mathematics. And all because are afraid not to pass these transient tests. Comes to what is now often invited into school psychologists to help cope with the terrible distress (a disturbance of the adaptation properties of the organism) experienced by high school students before taking the exam. Teachers can understand – they have Phosy, requirements, reports of progress... And the parents, instead of support and tell your child: "you will succeed! You can do it! And I will help you do that!"even more fear in the children catching up. But in a state of extreme stress, the probability to fail at any test.br>
Yes, any exam is always experience. But how to scare teenagers, so they stopped eating, I suffer from insomnia and other disorders of the body! Here and to depression and a nervous breakdown close.br>
And younger students now also have to deal with the stress and huge pressure from the parents. Children who come to study with us in "the Studio development of the individual" are very much afraid that you will not be able to write the CDF. And when I asked, but what happens if suddenly you don't pass this CDF, one girl very seriously replied: "Yes you that?! Well I my mom is gonna kill!"Can you imagine? She's about your parents says. Not talking about the maniacs, not about criminals, but about the dearest people to her!br>
parents are Very concerned about homework and grades, but about how the child feels, what he lives, what dreams, remains behind. And it was there for the whole future life of the little man. And not from a grade depends on his psychological health, which in our days is a competitive advantage in any field. Good grades is not a guarantee of a successful future. The world now changes so rapidly that what you study in school today, is already obsolete the next day. And sometimes our adult children may surpass us in some cyber-skills. Profession in demand even 5 years ago, become obsolete and disappear entirely. There are new. The digital age, robotics. In the new time will be in demand not knowledge as such, because they are easy to find online, and those skills that are unavailable to robots and machines. This imagination, creativity, communication, initiative and leadership. That's what it takes to develop in the children. To help them in their endeavors, to maintain interest in the beloved.br>
I'm not campaigning for that not having to teach lessons and to pass the exam. I have a reasonable relation to the school, with its requirements for a comfortable position of the child in a school team. And stress students need to mobilize, when needed, to cope with a difficult task. But they did not need the distress that leads to fear, self-doubt and nervous breakdowns.br>
And only in the family where the child is loved and accepted as he is, I feel it needs take into account his interests, work, grow up man, able to cope with difficulties, to survive crises, to learn from their mistakes and be confident.br>
the Most important thing in our digital age – to maintain psychological health. Is high self esteem, ability to communicate and adapt to new circumstances, to get out of the crises, the ability to Express and defend their opinions. It is the ability to admit their mistakes and draw the right conclusions from them. Any loss is a step on the path to success, the path to self-realization.br>
the task of parents – first of all, to keep trusting and warm relationship with the child, building a solid Foundation for his psychological stability. Not to create excessive stress and worrying about assessments and the beloved parents of the expression: "And not a janitor go to work!"

in your family, you will create a psychologically comfortable environment for the development and growth of the child, and learning, and assessment will have to arrange and delight. I'm sure of it.br>
by the Way children now have other. They understand that a janitor they are clearly not going to be. At that time, when they finish school, such a profession will be gone. It's by robots.br>
Maria A. Veral, psychologist, art therapist.
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