About avoiding pain in relationships


"Even in love, in mutual love

Flour alone.

right next to the happiness they

Live in love."

Lines from the song, 70-80 years

the Fact that the writer Tatyana Tolstaya calls "the girl's Internet, where a lot of dirty and tattered", is full of posts of type "Woman with a man should be good. Bad life, she herself could." Or "With the right man everything will be JUST fine, everything will happen by itself, without hysterics and removal of the brain. the Relationship should bring comfort." It is said that we live in an age of illusions and tremendous immaturity in the relationship. Why do we need these illusions? It is just very clear they need to save us from a rather unpleasant reality, in which any, even the most wonderful relationship fraught with pain, unpleasant feelings and can certainly not always bring comfort. Who wants to volunteer to accept this fact? Yes, anyone! It is better to believe in something, that is where the correct men, the right woman, the right attitude, which is absolutely comfortable, no serious fights, where people don't hurt each other, behave appropriately and not always wrong.

Julia Abakumova-Kounine in his article "the Vulnerability and intimacy" writes about "the importance of transformation of beliefs about a mythical intimacy in relationships, which should be as comfortable as possible, in a Mature relationship, inevitably including and painful experiences". She writes that "one must maintain a willingness to be wounded in a relationship, and it means to accept the right of another that he is not like us, his right to deny us something to disagree with us, etc. the Opportunity is for real and not illusory proximity increases, if you maintain a close relationship willingness to be wounded – that is, to accept the right of others to be uncomfortable, not agreeing with you, to be able to take the pain from what other shows your personality and creates illusory consent". Julia also leads an analogy with physical pain and anesthesia: anestesia pain, we block all other sensations, ie numb, for example, the area of the skin, we cease to feel not only pain, but also touch, cold and warmth. We are talking about the fact that avoiding pain in relationships, we lose the ability to present and close relations.

Very much like in fact are the words of Natalia Markovich, psychologist and coach who has article is not about avoiding unpleasant emotions in relationships, and about the avoidance of unpleasant emotions in General. Here's what she wrote: "a Huge number of people think that being happy means always, almost 24/7, to be joyful and enthusiastic. And the main task sees his deliverance from anger, sadness, anger, frustration and all the other unloved emotions... Emotion is an integral part of our existence. The best we can do is to learn to withstand them, to cope with their presence. And of course listen to their signals. Instead, people run from their feelings..." Natalia believes that we need to learn to treat their emotions philosophically that, despite periodically forwards the anger, sadness and disappointment, we may keep inside steadfast calmness, acceptance of their feelings, maybe even get their bit of fun and a modicum of admiration for the diversity of the world. Maybe this is happiness?

Korzhevich Irina
Статья выложена в ознакомительных целях. Все права на текст принадлежат ресурсу и/или автору (B17 B17)

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