each of us has their own goals and dreams and someone's confidence and optimism, goes through life, putting before itself all new and new goals and gradually achieving them, and someone this is much more complicated. It may be that in some areas of life it is quite easy and clear where to strive, and in other areas like everything in the fog, but there is a sense of dissatisfaction and desire to change something. But life goes on and sometimes there are situations, knocks out of the rut, when it begins to seem that the usual ways of coping aren't working anymore, and can not see any way, nor calling purpose, but there is a sense that it is impossible to live.
And then face two age-old and familiar from school question
-Who is to blame? and
in order to more boldly and purposefully move towards your real dream will try to answer both of these questions.
Who is to blame?
the Reasons are always individual, but let's try to identify some of them.
It is primarily developed by evolution, the structure of the functioning of our brain. Upon receiving certain information from the environment often includes automatic programs of thinking based on a reactive response to what is happening in the already established templates. This allows, for example, to react instantly to danger, but very often, these unconscious emotional reactions occur in accordance with the decisions that have been taken by man in the past, but at the moment is not optimal.
Let's look closer at these solutions, they are called attitudes, which often unconsciously controlled emotions and consequently actions and human life. They are produced in the course of life. Alas, almost everyone has happened in my life a situation when expectations were deceived. In such situations, pain and fear a person can make a decision that should, in future, to protect from a repetition of the intolerable situation. For example, the child fell into the lake and was very scared, he can then develop a persistent fear of water. Or the child told someone his secret, and then it became the property of the other, the conclusion is that to trust is dangerous. Experience significant rejection can lead to fear of repetition and the subconscious desire to protect ourselves from meaningful relationships ever present in your life.
Even if in childhood the child had a basically supportive environment, it is still probably there were moments when he felt unaccepted, and then this experience can affect the internal self-perception of their values and basic attitude to the world.
A traumatic experience, the experienced person as a result of unbearable emotional stress, leads to the creation of a rigid system of self-defense - to the edge of the internal relations, to the fear of personal change, to the fragmentation of the inner world, not to see the gravity of what is happening. But people cease to understand myself, lost the connection of external and internal peace and vitality. But if with other people and in other circumstances there are some similar moments with a past traumatic situation, it is absolutely unexpected for itself, people may again take in the feelings that were experienced then, at the time of injury. And, alas, is the painful experience from which the psyche was trying unconsciously to protect the person, could be repeated with other people, partly due to the fact that the person has some internal representation about himself, for example, as a victim.
Problem situation in relations with other people can also occur due to the fact that people do not really truly understand the feelings and emotions of other people, on other projects some of his feelings and actions occur based on incorrect assumptions.
in addition, mention should be made of all kinds of taboos and perceptions that the child is adopted from society and made their own. For example, "do Not rejoice too much, then to not cry." All living biological beings have a dominant 2 - pain and pleasure. They exist on a neurobiological level, but many people have a subconscious prohibition on having fun. But there are no prohibitions on receiving pain. And all life turns in an attempt to avoid the pain, and the usual reaction to an undesirable situation and pain is a negative emotional state, which is almost impossible to find the right actions that lead to desired changes. Building plans and prescribing steps to implement them from a negative state, trying to outrun the pain, the person only aggravates the pain and strengthens the problem.
in addition, when we think about starting something new and unfamiliar, a person activates the memory of the experience of a beginner, and sometimes these memories are so painful that any undertaking subconsciously blocked. Fear and resistance have many faces - and the uncertainty, and thought "But do I need it?", and procrastination, and delaying, and lack of confidence in their own strength. But it is a necessary stage of growth and development.
In the sequel, we will try to answer the question of What to do?