on 25 November was held under the slogan-Mother's Day, the Internet has appear postcards, pictures, funny and sad, with pictures of mom gifts from children, in General, so perky and pretty.
I am the mother of three children and of course I am pleased once again to hear from the children nice and warm words, but I remember that I'm a mom without the extra day, and I love myself as a mom, love my mom, but the day, introduced by Boris Yeltsin as the holiday taking. Yeah, probably worth it to enter these events for fathers and mothers, sons and daughters, families to remind us about family values, family relationships, values family ties and it helps unite the family compound. Just March 8 for women apparently not enough, because of many merits and a small amount of recognition of the importance of women in human society. And really from the woman, her mother, depends on many things and to exaggerate the significance of women is impossible.
So about mothers, especially about something that very few people would say in everyday life, mom. When a young girl, the woman became pregnant for the first time, decided to give birth, everything seems quite normal and natural process, carry the baby, take care of yourself and it, and that's enough. The little baby was born, everything, you mom. Few people said that giving birth to a child, many mothers are watching cutest photos of bloggers, many moms about their successful, easy and rich life, not represent reality. This reality is behind the scenes, and parents force experience and maturity, far from these experiences, do not speak and do not understand what can happen to a mother who gave birth to first child.
In fact, mom might just be afraid child, afraid to stay alone with him, like I was afraid with her first child. I was a robot, who only wanted to sleep, to sleep, to sleep, and he screamed and did not sleep, we did not match biorhythms))) Thanks to my relatives who are big crowd helped the two of us to adapt to a new life, sharing our entire adaptation. The film "Tully", showed very well what can happen to a woman actually, not only with such a big family, it's not a family, and a strong mind, maturity, ability to talk, to ask and accept help. Now, many young moms are left alone with the baby and really deadly tired, tired of the obsession and loneliness, from fear, ignorance and abundance of a huge number of contradictory information from the Internet. She falls from exhaustion, and mom's smiling, bright and cheerful as not to fall into shame and guilt, that I do not like them. Moms who help moms raising a child by themselves, are very different. Mom can be difficult and scary, can go off-scale the level of fear and responsibility, fear of problems, endless guilt, before people, before the husband, before parents, before the baby. Mom can stay alone with their feelings not manifested and exhausted in them, torn between external compliance and internal content.
A real couple not ready for parenthood, do not realize the stress on the relationship, on their life, which appears with the birth of their first child. Not man, not woman not realize that their parenthood, can divide life into before and after, especially internally, not adults, not Mature people. Male will continue to wait the same amount of time and attention as before the baby. The woman may even be torn between two "kids", a child and a spouse, forgetting herself completely, ignoring their primary and important function, care about themselves, about their sleep and rest, health physical and psychological, from this crumbling marriage, relationship. On the contrary, mother fully accepted the role of the mother, mingled, merged with the child may just forget about your spouse, about what he, a living man, a man that feels superfluous. A lot of options, where the birth of a baby could uncover difficulty within a pair of and even cause destruction of relationships. In my example, I can say that with the birth of the next child, I became calmer and more confident as a mom, I had a lot of time, but your crisis I still lived, unable to withstand the appliance load when washing 3 times more, cooking, cleaning, purchasing, and endless dishes, dishes, dishes, building houses, school, work - I hated everything, I thought I can't do more than a single day. Of course there are many other, healthy and fine examples, but the article is not about that.
Simple tips will help young parents, dads and moms to come in and save their relationship, family, happiness of parenthood, they are useful to know and elder relatives.
the Woman gave birth to the child, always, I emphasize always, needs the support, approval and assistance, participation and rest. Do not listen if you say - all right, look yourself sober look. Automatism movements, blank stare, constant and futile actions, for example, dusting, shifting things without a purpose, may indicate a very high inner tension and anxiety that requires intervention. If the mother constantly looks unkempt, then it was not important, not before, somewhere funneling her power, attention is absorbed by anxiety or fatigue, is constrained in an internal conflict. Well, if the woman herself can open up, talk about them and the fatigue, the fears, and if not, if no one or relationship is not allow, it remains alone, drowning in guilt and shame, considering himself a failed, inept and incapable, which further pushes her to a standstill. If mom was fascinated by some new system of power and the regime that looks very unnatural, chime in, let's talk, because there's a chance that hostage authoritative blogger Sonica that just fills your rankings having very little to do with motherhood now. If mommy speaks, forgets, loses the thread of the conversation, falls from space, it always says the mode - power left only to the physical actions, the mind has already cut off unnecessary functions.
These moms who come to my consultation talking about the fears, loneliness, emptiness and despair, the feeling that they are not, they do not understand is, they are moms or robots about the dislike and hatred of motherhood, the endless fatigue. They are depressed and confused, lost sense of reality and themselves, and sometimes with outward appearances - everything's fine, everything's fine.
Men parents, relatives, if you see these in a young mother, don't wait for her treatment, offer assistance themselves, real. You can take the first part of the functions themselves, parents just can come at least for a couple of hours to go with the baby to walk once a month to give mom the maximum time to be herself, to walk, to leave home, one to stay home, to sleep, to shift attention. In a while to give the young couple some privacy, to relax without a kid, to be not mom and dad, and a man and a woman. Be sure to praise a woman, a mother, for that cope, be sure to offer help to help themselves, but not villages in the space of a young family, came, helped and left. It's simple and basic things as participation, attention can save, helps a woman be healthy, alive, to grow up in motherhood without fear and guilt.
being a mom is not always easy and sometimes very hard, and the care of mothers not only in the "Mother's Day" as a real contribution to daily and ordinary life, helping my mother to be happy mother with youth, to love my motherhood, myself, and the child, its importance, and the happy children is always a measure of a happy mom.