In one of the articles we began to talk a bit about the symbiosis of parent and child. We will continue this theme in the direction of formation of the boundaries of the individual.
We talked more about there bodily, physical, early residence of the child. Timely release of the child from mother in the truest sense: the release of the hands from the breast of his bed — contributes to the formation of the sensations of the body. And reactions of his body to the world. The child warm or cold, hungry or not, painful, hit — or doesn't hurt. This is the basic interaction with the space is formed in experience. The lack of this experience leads to disorientation. Sooner or later the child will have this experience to, but it will feel a little comfortable on the background of their peers who are already well versed in the world. And very hard he would have, if the mother will continue to "tell" him these feelings instead give to yourself.
the Notorious question about the diapers. Under their long-wearing moms hide his desire of comfort and relaxation. While masking suggested about convenience for their child. However, these are children who wear diapers to 2-3 years, and then begin to wet the bed and can be long enough to debug normal operation of the bladder. This is a Prime example that the mother gives the child to experience what "wet pants". The child who knows this by experience, quickly begins to prefer pot, because in wet — cold and uncomfortable. Hence, appears the feeling of his body, when there is freedom - freedom to fall freedom to burn, freedom to be described.
Psychological borderline personality emerge just as when the psychological separation of the child from the mother. Up to a certain point the child grows up in a world of parental goals: the mode of the day, eating, playing, learning. But if at an early age not to give the child the opportunity to think - and where he wished himself to move, what I want to do, what to do - we get a full psychological merging of a child with a parent. So we see unspeakable boredom in the eyes of the children, whose day is painted on minutes from one set or section to another, when mom or dad decided that it should be. This boredom manifests a complete lack of interest and involvement in the violent activities. The child shows that it is necessary for parents, but not him. Why? Because his interest has not had time to occur. He has no space. He did not receive the opportunity for themselves to determine what they like and what they don't like that attracts and what repels. And the interest arises from personal experience of interacting with the world. This experience is described as pants - material for further insights and further growth, and therefore for development.
the Prolonged symbiosis with parents, which hinders the development, usually caused by hyperopia. When the baby decide what he feels (should feel) that he thinks will do what he needs to do and what not to — the person cannot develop. Because the identity describes a strong-willed and goal-setting start with a set of its own -this is important: own — attitudes towards world and other people.
the child is Grown, nominally on age adult man can continue to live in a state of fusion with their parents even after their physical death. He just finds a replacement figure, which delegates the role of life-management. The process of gaining personal boundaries in this case is absent. Such person merges with the dominant in his life personality and feels completely comfortable in such a merger. However, if you ask him about his personal goals, his desires, dreams, aspirations, we miraculously see that he would not be able to formulate, to draw, to Express and to understand. At some time we will show that this man is empty inside. Actually — he's just not formed a personal principle in full. Or rather, deformirovanie to the end.
Another sign of the personality that are in total symbiosis, is the inability to say "no." People instantly involved in other people's initiative, if it is there engage, and has no way to refuse it, although he can suffer from this. Inside it will gradually increase the rebellion. It's his personality requires freedom. Requires its own space. Its growth and development. But this revolt can be long enough to remain in a latent state. Although that can result in side so we see people who have long and angrily resent against your family in us, but it is not able to convey the emotions of the address — the person to whom they arise.
So, very often, finding personal boundaries and begins with the rebellion that we see in teenagers, when they try to usurp the right to make important decisions. But late riot may appear in 40 years, if it is in this age began at last, out of the symbiosis with his parents. A rebellion requires dramatically and irreversibly abandon all sense, which they have invested. Therefore, similar to the rebellion and a complete break with the family.
This is an important and necessary stage, the stage of devastation, in order to then fill themselves with new meanings — their. Their desires, ideas, goals. They are timidly appearing, auditioning by heart, to be introduced in. Then, perhaps, will be again cast out, because there will be found new, more bold and interesting. And this is a normal process of growth and development. The idea of the parent families can be reinterpreted and already consciously accepted, but it is a conscious choice. The choice is entirely on a different level.
Realizing that the threat of new — already their attitude — no personality, break the symbiosis — not defends itself aggressively, as it happens in the early stage of separation. She is able to see the importance of the views of the opponent - any other person - and it opens the possibility of compromise. And compromise is the ability to keep your personal boundaries and to find the possibility of creative cooperation with another person where his personal boundaries are also observed.
So the person moves in its development from a complete lack of personal boundaries, until their rebellious determine, first, forming an extremely rigid boundaries. Then — to the extent of its development, its boundaries become flexible and capable of transformation without losing its personality and its important installations.