About responsibility and education

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the Theme of education of children are relevant at all times. Parents knocked out power to raise their child "a Real person". Today I would like to touch on the main points of the education of boys. What we focus on when it comes to future men. I think about the development of responsibility. Every father dreams of the heir, which it would be possible to write and pass on their experience, knowledge, and possibly their job. What he wants to see his son in this case, the parent? First of all, responsible. Ready in the first place put the interests of the family and its desire to overshadow. Well, when the true inclination of the son, and of the desires and interests of the family are the same. Then the boy is likely to be a fairly harmonious life.

If his interests lie in a different plane than the family expects, then the probability is high that boy waits for intrapersonal conflict between "want" and "need". Most likely the son will try to meet the expectations of the parents, but will do it out of fear, guilt, shame, or desire to get the benefit. Self-esteem will suffer greatly from such a child. But parents will have to pay dearly sooner or later, they will feel lost good attitude towards them from their children, who indulge their desire for external or internal coercion. Is that what we want for our children and ourselves?

First of all, to consider his wishes. We love our children and are very worried about their future. We spend a lot of effort and money to give them all the chances in the complicated world of adults. But not too hard for our expectations and fears put pressure on their shoulders? We are leading them into 10 sections and groups, the child or openly rebelling and throwing tantrums, or conversely, tries hard, but is quickly exhausted, becoming resentful or cranky, sometimes sick a lot, but we stubbornly continue to pursue its programme of training him for adult life. And we should ask that from all the things that busy his day, he himself is really like, what was he and not the parent who is trying to get the child to realize that he , for whatever reason, could not or did not have time in my life.

When we give from a pure heart, we do so out of a sense of joy that has enriched someone's life, thus, improving your life and the one who gives and one who takes. He who takes no care of the consequences that accompany gifts made out of fear, guilt and shame. In giving the award is given to an increased sense of self-esteem.

If the parents are less demanding to the child, then themselves will be happier. My children gave me an invaluable lesson that they will not achieve anything. For some reason, I decided that since I'm the parent, you can demand. Yes, I could put forward any demands, but could not force children to comply with them. This is a lesson of humility for parents who believe that they can make the change for your child and be forced to obey. And more this lesson taught me a son.

the Basic mechanism of motivating by guilt, is the attribution of responsibility for their feelings to others. When parents say, "my Mom and dad it hurts when you bring home from school poor grades" they mean that the child's actions are the cause of happiness or unhappiness of the parents. At first glance, this behavior can be mistaken for genuine concern. It is assumed that the child cares about the parent and feels bad when the parent is distressed. However, when the children are taking such method responsibility by changing their behavior in accordance with parental wishes, they are not acting from the heart, and trying to avoid feelings of guilt. Similarly formed the motivation of fear and shame. The attribution of responsibility for their feelings and actions of others is clearly seen from the language. We often use such phrases to avoid responsibility. For example: I cleaned the room because we had to; I hit the child because he ran into the street; I'm drinking because I'm an alcoholic. The responsibility is shifted on obscure forces, the actions of others, on the diagnoses. You can often hear the words: everyone smoked, and I lit a cigarette; I lied client because the boss said. Here the responsibility lies with the dictates of the group and the demands of the authorities. Inexplicable impulses also lead us, I ate chocolate, because the desire was stronger than me, so we again disclaim liability. Well, very great the influence of role and gender norms by which we remove the responsibility — I don't want to go to work, but doing it because I am a husband and father.

Using such a language, we teach our children not to take responsibility for their feelings and actions. Such statements are very difficult the expression of the needs of the parent. They also need help to understand what they need to be happy. I think that you should start with them. Teaching them to listen to their desires, expectations, values, feelings and thoughts, adults you will be better able to listen to your child.

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