About role separation, part 3: what is the difference between the influence of his mother and father.


About role separation, part 3: what is the difference between the influence of his mother and father. br>
after the battle Continue to write articles about the division of roles. Yet sometimes not systematic, but I'm working on it (please write your questions in the comments). Plan to write General axioms of this model and male behavior in particular that will give benefit for everyone. br>
my idea with roles is very strongly influenced by Erich Fromm and his arguments about the difference between male and female. After it I realized why it is so important to protect a woman from stress. Of course, if you are childfree and want to raise healthy children. Will result in abbreviated form one of the most valuable in my opinion parts from the book "the Art of loving" and at the end write their own conclusions. br>
Brilliantly written about a father and conditional love that can and should be earned. By the way, in this sense, the coach is no different from his father. Read! br>
"Motherly love by its very nature, unconditional. Mother loves the newborn infant because it is her child, because with the advent of this child decided something important, satisfied any expectations. "I love it because it's me." It is the experience of favorite mother – a passive experience. There is nothing that I did in order to be loved – a mother's love is unconditional. All I have to do is be. A mother's love is bliss, is peace, it need not be achieved, it need not be earned. br>
But there is a negative side of unconditional motherly love. It not only must be earned, it can achieve, cause, control. If it is, then it is equal to bliss, if not, it is as if all the great died – and there's nothing I can do to this love to create. No wonder we all yearn for motherly love, as children and as adults. br>
relationship with a father is completely different. The mother is the house from which we go, is nature, the ocean; father does not represent any such natural home. It has a weak relationship with the child in the first years of his life, and his importance for the child in this period pales in comparison with the importance of the mother. But although the father is not the natural world, he represents the other pole of human existence: the world of thought, things created by human hands, law and order, of discipline, of travel and adventure. The father is the one who teaches the child how to learn the way of the world. br>
When private property emerged and when it could be inherited by one of the sons, father began to look forward to the appearance of the son, to whom he could leave his property. Of course, that they were the son, which the father thought best in order to become the heir, the son who was more like a father, and therefore he loved the most. Fatherly love is conditional love. br>
the principle is: "I love you because you meet my expectations, because you do your responsibilities because you like me." In conditional fatherly love we find, as in the unconditional mother, the negative and positive aspects

the Negative side is the very fact that fatherly love has to be deserved, that it can be lost if the person does not do what was expected of him. In the nature of a father's love concluded that obedience becomes the main virtue and disobedience the main sin. And the punishment is the loss of the father's love. Important and positive side. Because a father's love is conditioned, I can to do something to achieve it, I can work for it; a father's love is not outside my control as motherly love. br>
mother and father of the child corresponds to his own needs. A baby needs a parent's unconditional love and care as physiologically and mentally. A child over six, begins to need the father's love, authority and guidance of his father. br>
the Function of the mother to provide the child with security in life, the function of the father to teach him, to guide him, so he could cope with the problems posed by a child that society in which he was born. br>
ideally, a mother's love is not trying to prevent a child to grow up, not trying to assign a reward for helplessness. The mother should have faith in life, should not be disturbing, not to infect the child with his anxiety. A part of her life should be the desire, the child became independent, and, in the end, separated from her. A father's love should be guided by principles and expectations; it should be patient and tolerant, and non-threatening and authoritative. It should give the growing child an increasing sense of our own power and finally allow him to become for himself the authority and to free themselves from the authority of the father. br>
ultimately, Mature a person comes to the point where he becomes his own mother and his own father. He finds as if maternal and paternal consciousness. Maternal consciousness says: "No crime, no crime which could deprive you of my love, my desire to see you live and be happy." Fatherly conscience says: "You did evil, you can't avoid the consequences of his evil act, and if you want me to love you, you must first correct his behavior." Mature a person looks becomes free from maternal and paternal figures, he builds them inside. br>
Mature man connects in his love, maternal and paternal consciousness despite the fact that they are seemingly opposite to each other. If he had only his father's consciousness, he would be evil and inhumane. If he had only maternal consciousness, he would be inclined to loss of judgment and would prevent ourselves and others in development. br>
In this development from mother-centered to a paternal-centered attachment and their final synthesis is the basis for spiritual health and maturity. The downside of this development is the cause of neuroses"

to sum up, the main points are as follows:

1) Than less anxious mother, the more peace and love she can give to a child. The more it will perceive the world as a friendly place, and the more he will open up and try different initiatives. In my experience, very disturbing and infantile children are born into families with very anxious mothers. What mothers worry? Stress and problems at work, concerns for the future, about what to prepare and what problems to solve. If all of this will be to deal with someone else, many worries will disappear, and will free up your time to do them. br>
2) When a man is engaged in the most important strategic Affairs, he is certainly too anxious, but this anxiety is transmitted to the child is much less, because the connection between father and child is weaker. Moreover, the father who deals with such matters, knows (or learns quickly) to plan, discipline yourself, create the rules and traditions that all was going according to his plans. And it can transmit these skills to children in full. br>
3) the Connection of these meanings gives you the opportunity to grow maximally harmonious, calm and purposeful children. This is a response to the main objection, which not even "why would a woman not work" (by the way I absolutely do not mind if the woman wants!), and "why bother to share the role, though everyone does this and that". br>
the Answer is: the meaning, as in business, in maximum efficiency. At the same time working and trying to relax people are doing both, which affects the atmosphere in the family. Of course, "simultaneously" not in the literal sense, and even in the sense that there are weekends and holidays, but that does not work, and the work and the future still worries, and relax does not work fully. br>
the Division I offer, not discretely (or 100% share of role or die), and represents a continuum of options. It is effective even partially, when a woman is much to a lesser extent concerned about the future and protected and a man is more collected, and disciplined, and knows what will happen next. And of course, the greater the shift in this direction, the better.

the Following article is not about the division of roles and about how to pump self-confidence. About this I am often asked and the answer is so simple that many do not believe. Have to explain! br>

Domrachev Paul
Статья выложена в ознакомительных целях. Все права на текст принадлежат ресурсу и/или автору (B17 B17)

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