About the container.

At some point in time, I realized that my mom once a long time ago in me put your resentment towards my father. I Auntie told me that in one of his visits to him in another distant city, where he studied (at this time she lived in Vitebsk with me a little) he told her that he no longer loves her. She is a passionate and romantic person. I can easily imagine how she is like a whirlwind returns home, overflowing emotions, but her head was crystal clear images of the Russian literature, in which women courageously choose not to communicate with someone who no longer feels love for them did not even sweep the eyebrow from suffering. There are still some romantic images, I'm not close, but the point is that entering the noble way of forgiving lady, she put down her bitter resentment to the side, his rage and anger even more ladies do not yell in ecstasy. And all this happiness is her experiences that got me. I want to try to describe the mechanism. Imagine that you are on foot in the bus someone came. And instead of apologizing, he blames you in this – they say that there is nothing to expose. A minute ago you were hurt and you were willing to forget about it, but instead of relief, you suddenly get the charge and taking it into himself, I think – maybe it's my own fault?! With this and left. At the end, you anger at the abuser and confusion – how did this happen. The key is that you received the charges. In General unreasonable. And no one knows why.

a year-old child with his mother an emotional umbilical cord. They are one. She returns from a journey, carrying in his chest the explosion of emotions to the man, who did it to her, and it is not near. And tell him about your resentment and anger she is not able to. But these feelings more than anything else. They just tear it apart. She plays a cold-blooded Princess. The psyche, in order not to explode from an excess of unbearable feelings is a defense mechanism of displacement: not returning his feelings to him, she unconsciously, of course, moves them to the side of the child, like him and performs a role between them (this is a separate issue). And this resentment mixed with anger hides from her living human child. That is, does not respond to the child, as it were, on the other, when communicating with the child. Sees not the child, and his resentment, his restrained anger. She sort of merges that puts the child's feelings. To deal with them. She put aside resentment and anger. Child-friendly object to having feelings for him, which to him are irrelevant. Container. A very convenient container. You can continue to live, to build relationships and to be in balance relative to itself, and in disequilibrium in relation to the child. Moreover, he always gives the reason to feel the anger and irritation. With the offense more difficult. But just indifference. The child played difficult experiences, did not find place in the contact, i.e. in the literal acting out – shouting the truth man, freak out, slap him, etc. and so on to infinity. A vicious circle of long-standing grievances and disappointments, drawing new participants takes a very particular form of special relations and special behavior.

the Child takes everything at face value. But the instinct feels, feels something. In the channel of emotional communication with the mother instead of love all the time some kind of interference. Then begins the inner life of the child. Or rather how he copes with it and how it fits your inner world to this demand environment to be a container for my mom. First for mom. Then intuitively it does the same thing for other people. Taking in their emotions to the gap, maintaining the tension. Humbly, patiently, for a long time. I call it – allow it to be. Without resistance, without chondrosamine reactions – anger, rage, disgust, shame. He can feel when he's treated improperly. But the peculiarity of the container lies in the fact that all experiences remain unreacted inside directly. The here and now. A situation of any complexity and absurdities it takes for normal relations. Acting out his life is made in other areas and other circumstances. Behavior is formed by type – I don't know why I did it.

life is an interesting thing. All of these magnets – like attracts like -work like a clock. It is also a topic. There is not easy. But. It is important that this is the most part that in childhood remained an Observer, and implicitly felt that love canal something, it will not go away. It has evolved along with the baby. And persistently, patiently trying to understand – so what is wrong? Life is love. I will not develop here this topic and I will not make excuses for that word. Concrete I know how it works. Perhaps, this is the second Chapter in this story. I would be slightly summed up the first – about the containers. If you look at this thing and understand how it works: what is the impact on personal choices and circumstances as in effect on relationships with other people, it will be easier to withdraw from situations where you just enjoy. Openly and shamelessly. Frankly, because other people "read" you the container. You have to ensure that you have used. If you don't realize you container, this happens in 100% of cases of interaction with you other people. Shamelessly, because the resistance of the container "technology use" almost zero – he takes it for normal relations. Your anger and rage is normal in such situations "use" he used to defer inward, to shift to other facilities, I besyat people with dirty shoes, for example. And most worryingly, he was accustomed to handle the tension: the tension of containment, the voltage from the contradictory reactions of the partner, the voltage from the inconsistencies and absurdities of the contact. This strain is not regarded a man as something abnormal. It familiar. But the issue is that it destroys life. Energy on positive feelings, planning their lives, but relationships with loved ones may simply not be enough. And then builds up a sense of dissatisfaction with their lives, themselves, of course. Sometimes to such an extent that out of desperation you just want to destroy everything. And partly this may occur in some areas of life. To blow off steam. To become less than the voltage retention and the stress of dissatisfaction.

Those who use, also can have a great experience containerbase. It mirrored the situation. If you are using me, and I can be the master of it. I think this is a separate issue. There is an important role plays the same inner innate moral core. Because the Observer – "something goes wrong" may be different to act. It can develop together with the "container", and can slowly atrophy. This is the place for me to start a new topic about my attitude to human nature. Namely to its imperfection. Or have a separate text.