Shame is a painful emotion, grief. In this emotion contains the impulse to flee.
Any suffering is a protective behavior. Shame also causes a defensive response is anger. Anger pulls the energy of the shame on themselves, reduces the pain of embarrassment.

I Have my own idea of what I'm supposed to be in society, performing various social roles:

I am a daughter, I am a mother, I'm a woman, I'm a wife, I'm the boss, I – the subordinate, passenger/customer/tourist, etc.

This is my subjective view about that role (each of us has its own). Every role requires from me, in my own subjective view, appropriate role behavior.

Example:

1. I – mom. Children are the most intelligent, healthy, normal as all well-bred, obedient, tidy, not lazy, etc.

And if something doesn't fit my personal concept, I am ashamed! I angry!

And if something doesn't fit my personal concept, I am ashamed! I angry!

And if something doesn't fit my personal concept, I am ashamed! I angry!

in that moment our mind.

1. Determines, sees the situation
2. gives rise to our subjective expectations
3. Triggers are real, possible in this case response
4. Evaluates our own behavior

It is the third operation we realized more rest. Any misalignment of the 2 and 4 operation is shame, even if this praise.

If the behavior you expected, then I'm filled with pride in themselves, and if not, ashamed for himself.

I Noticed that I am ashamed of, even when you praised undeservedly as you thought?

You become uncomfortable from the praise, you've experienced irritation or wanted to hide and close?

the Mismatch between his "I – concept" and the real situation involves the emotion of shame.

• My expectations from myself were not met.
• Ashamed
• hurt Me.I include the protection.
• I objected to.
• the Pain of suffering is weakened. It's easier for me.
• I appeal to the reasonable mind.
• Misalignment. I know it's different.
• Ashamed
• etc.

of Mental operations referred to are included automatically, but if you're "warned, is armed". Learn to recognize a cause of shame, to realize the equal importance of all four mental operations, to prevent a mismatch between their subjective perceptions and actual behaviour possible. It is not a shame!

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Irina Vasilachi, art, Gestalt therapist, juggling, special child psychologist, speech pathologist +7 916 536 536 2 WhatsApp, Skype irino4kavas