this morning, arguing Nikolai B. sad and homespun truth of life about "the facts, us and the cow." Being in a thoughtfully lyrical mood, I decided, so to speak, the conversation more specific, the need to opredeliti, and subject to expand, deepen and aggravate...
now, about the cow... on the one that if not for anaaaa...
everyone has a cow of their own, but I was thinking about loyalty. No, not so! About loyalty. In both...
As my favorite friend: "loyalty is a decision." Told, how cut off. And rightly so... but every decision has a flip side, for every decision we pay the price. Sometimes high, sometimes not.
I have one friend, happened to her a very usual story – fell in love. This story happened about 15 years ago, I guess. Love this lasted not long, and not progressed beyond Platonic, because at that time she was married and decided I do not change, because it is true. Less than six months, as they say, her marriage crumbled to pieces, the husband skidded to the left. After divorce and all the accompanying rigamarole, she found the object of his desires, and men already had a relationship with another woman at the time. Serious. Since then, many years have passed and much water has flowed, but when we met her, I remember this story with great regret and sadness about unfulfilled... and this medal on the chest with the name "I correct," not warm and not happy.
And my other good friend was in love with 20 years – high school sweetheart! They met by chance on the street in his hometown many years later, as grown men, each married and with children. And it turned out that the feelings, and the way they each other still. But after talking on different subjects for some time, both felt how they have different goals and aspirations, and how different views and beliefs about family, marriage and children. And this is the case when the decision to be faithful to a partner was probably right, because this love was based solely on romantic fantasies.
And here's another story. A friend of mine for many years in a relationship with a married man. Man is worthy and all these years very well to her concerns. At the dawn of their relationship, he said that he is married and will not be able to give her family and if she left him, he will understand. She left, saying that this question is absolutely not worried enough to not like it. This relationship for 20 years almost, and I don't get tired of surprising her in the eyes and completely happy person when I met him. And recently she told me that when her beloved man lingered in her once again (I don't know what they were doing, whether solitaire laid out, whether the crossword was solved!!!), then his wife called with a request: "Mashenka, when Petenka you are delayed, you call me please or text Nita, I'm excited!!!" Still, when I remember this story, I smile. And when heard for the first time, I was hysterical. That's such a high ratio.
When I meet a faithful man, my first reaction is amazement. For some of them, loyalty is not a position, it's just a way not to change anything in your life, regardless of whether they are satisfied with this life. For others, faithfulness is the solution and this position is really a matter of respect. I have a friend, a very attractive man - that mess of madness to want to engage directly with first glance, without a moment's delay.))) He deliberately keeps faithful to the partner, it's his decision. But when I see this fight with himself in a life-and-death if he likes some other woman, with a very predictable outcome in the form of a bouquet of somatic diseases (and we all know that the winners in this struggle, simply can not be), then all my respect for his position (be faithful) abruptly disappears and I get scared. Because I know very well the price you have to pay for that choice. And every time I say it: Better if you went to the left.
So, what am I doing??? I don't know what choice about fidelity you do. And I really don't know what choice in this particular situation would be best for you. But I think that as long as love lives in pairs, then this choice is, in principle, can not occur!!! And if the question arises, then, is an occasion to reflect: what happened to our relationship? What do they hold? And I have a partner? And, most importantly, where is my happiness? And what I choose now, at this specific moment itself, or not itself??? Because every choice ultimately comes down to this formula I choose you or not at this particular moment. And if I refuse you, what? What secondary benefits I extract, taking such a decision?
And a little bit about the selection: if in your Arsenal there are only two options – to remain faithful to the partner, who respect and appreciate and, with all due respect, I don't want or succumb to temptation, while sacrificing something else for you valuable – it's definitely not about true choice. It is a false choice, because neither of the two options does not suit you, what would you choose in this situation, you will remain unsatisfied. Search for a true third, fourth, or fifth option that you just want at 100. So, the wolves are fed and the sheep intact.
In General, it seems to me that in any situation is to fight for yourself and your own happiness first, and for shortcuts and the proud title of, endorse or not endorse someone in the past. And for me personally, loyalty is certainly not about what I in any case can not change the partner, and even look the other way, God forbid!!! My loyalty is about caring about the partner, about the recognition of its value to me and my willingness to accommodate partner and to reckon with its interests and preferences. But that's my choice. What's Your choice??? And fighting for what You???
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