About the fear of death (part 2)

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There are 2 main protection against fear of death:

  1. Its invulnerability. This condition to its particular which implies:

-compulsive heroism when the hero is not afraid of anything existing, but is afraid (subconsciously) only "nothing", that is death. And then all the ideas about persecution, persecution followed out of a sense of specialness.

for Example, a client of 29 years, comes with a strong fear that rises at different times of the day, regardless of the situation. But the original trigger, the client calls the fear of being stabbed, fear of knives with 5 years of age, when from a drunken father's mother was hiding knives and forks under the bed. Despite this fear, the client quite successful in life, family, career, all on their own in an unfamiliar, big city.



-rabotogolizm when a person thinks that he lives, only when running. Everything in life is subordinated to this work: family, school, even leisure, it is only a change of pictures every trip.

-narcissism while I'm home, need while I'm on the first cast (no matter where) I live, as soon as I lose, I die.

-the aggression and the passion to control. "Fear of death is reduced by killing other" (Otto Rank). Killing the man "buys" freedom from death.

For this particular, the person paying the feeling of loneliness, lack of support, the neurosis of success.

  • the Second protection - the Belief in the existence of "living" water, "magic means" healer of all diseases including death.



Death can not be viewed only in a negative aspect. After all, life makes sense only in the presence of her limbs. When we know that life and our forces are limited to death, then hurry to realize their potential. The awareness of personal death, it raises man to a higher stage of development.

After all, the main issues of age-related crisis is "Why do I live?", "What is the meaning of my life?", "Where am I going in life?", "Why am I here?" etc. it's All about life and death.

the Clash with his death, through illness, emergency, through the death of a loved one, can dramatically change a person's life, lead to significant shifts in lifestyle, change priorities and even values.

I Love to give my clients this exercise:



Values.

1 part. Please write 7-8 values. And to explain what is valuable, important. Remember or write down. For example: the Client calls the value of "Money" and explains "because I feel more protected from surprises. More confident in life."

"Then your values yet – this feeling of security and confidence?"

such a discussion can take a whole session.

part 2. After discussion, I ask the client to rank your values in order of importance for themselves (and not as accepted).

Then I "take" his extreme account value and ask how he can do completely without it. To replace something or can live at all without this value?

Here, in this exercise, we're not talking directly about death. But sometimes when I "take" something very meaningful for the client, it may be a family (children or parents), health, money, work, he says that there is no escape and he will not live without it. And then I propose him gentle option: for example, that the family was away in another country and they're fine, but he just won't be able to see them and communicate with them for a long time.

So I'm taking all the values from the client and asking the last question "What do you have left?". Sometimes the client gets upset and says, "nothing." And then again, you can give to support the edge client a small intervention: "But you, yourself, left?"

One customer (40 years, left the family half a year, 2 children and a request "I do not understand myself why I left") when I asked him, on leaving, said to me with tears in his eyes, "Thank you, today you have given me, me!"

In this exercise, it can be harder and softer, it depends on the personality type of the client, from his willingness to work on himself, on his request.

Another exercise that quickly turns the customer's mind from the fear of death in favor of life is scaling. I asked to draw a timeline of his life and on one end of it to write the date of birth and another date of death.

usually at this point comes the adrenaline rush, the fear, the stupor, it's different for everyone, but break the pattern occurs at all. Someone asks a question, do we have to write, or how to find out the date, or begin to count how many would like to live and write yourself just in case a little more. But this moment is the main. Understanding of finitude of being makes man and gives you the opportunity to realize their potential, despite the fear.

With this scale you can work on.

for Example ask them to write the date when in his life there were UPS and downs. And to analyze with him is helping to find a foothold in itself. You can offer to write the date when the client was in the same condition as it is now. You can divide the age of the client on 2 parts, then each by 2 and again by 2. And ask what negative events have had on those dates.

there are many Options, and they are all about life and fear of death.

it is Very important to the psychologist to speak freely about death. If the client refuses to think and talk about it, he receives a constant concern. Speaking and realizing death comes the understanding that life can not be delayed. Ever can't do something, really want it.

the Psychologist enough to create a simulation of a collision with death, so that the client began to notice my life, what is around him, to appreciate yourself and your life.

Rodina Galina
2018-08-19
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