Counselling women, I often hear complaints that their relationship with a man swings from one extreme to another. What does it mean? Woman falls into two extremes: excitement – love-separation – frustration. The first period, when a woman loves her man, to live without it can not, trying for him and for the relationship, makes and feels a lot of things, being in awe of his status, is replaced by a second period when the woman feels frustrated in the relationship and man, it seems that tried it alone, and nobody appreciates it, she wants him to back off, leave for a while. Every woman in these States are manifested to a greater or lesser extent, but these "swing" definitely not have a positive impact on relationships.
Which most often is switching us from period to period, starting the "swing" of a relationship? the Man did something that the woman feels is wrong, he did not meet her expectations and she was disappointed...
Svetlana does not take chances when her husband, talking to her, makes the decision, in which her opinion reflected not 100%. Its insulting that he, having considered all options, decided on who is closer to him. By the way, often the issues that cause a similar reaction, relate exclusively to her husband's life, and family relations or relations with the wife have no effect.
Marina is angry and keeps away from her husband when he accepted the invitation of friends to play pool and socialize in the company of men. No, he never gave me reason to doubt your loyalty, just in these moments, it seems that family for him means less than friends. By the way, these get-togethers happen at most 2 times a month, and all the rest of the time he spends with the family.
Both women love their husbands and are ready to try for a relationship, but why is there a desire to move away?
face it. In situations where a man makes his own decision, what feels right, chooses one night to be with friends, not to hear from the first request and another to do something wrong, the woman is an internal protest, she decides men, emotionally moving away from him, expressing her displeasure. And the key word here is not accept, that the failure closes the heart and keeps people.
What does it mean to accept?
Adoption is art, which is owned truly happy in a relationship people. This art to remain in a relationship with a man who may not meet the expectations, which is to make decisions, is knowing that we all have both desirable and undesirable qualities, and it is OK
Adoption is not a desire to change, to reshape a partner, and the ability to love him the way he is. Now I'm not talking about Alliance with a psychopath, a pathological alcoholic, a drug addict or some mentally ill, we are talking about a normal man, who regularly acts on its own and occasionally does not correspond to expectations.
Listen to yourself, how you accept your man as he is, with HIS decisions and visions with HIS desires, with HIS set of qualities. Rate to its adoption from 1 to 10, where 1 is not accepted, and 10 – take it for what it is entirely. Consider how this assessment will affect your relationship in the future.
We are inclined to accept a partner when he plays by our rules, and in the moments when it suddenly selects something, we are not ready to accept it. Many women, in such moments, you feel cheated and offended by the favorite.
What happens to a man in such situations?
He feels a failure, and it deeply hurt him. Man it hurts to hear criticisms from his beloved that he did, and the more men hear in your address criticism, the more it begins to manifest those qualities for which his woman criticizes. He just seems that if there is a minus, why keep trying it's all the same no one will appreciate.
When the man hears the woman's words that "I don't want you to go to friends, we're family, I want you to stay home" (or something similar), he feels that he has taken at least the illusion of freedom and begins to fight for it. This struggle is rarely something good, most often the fight comes down to distance partners.
What to do?
learn to take man and his desires. I'm not talking about indulging his whims. I'm talking about the realization that we are all imperfect and we all are free, that you are a couple, a family, a Union is not a reason to impose restrictions and prohibitions is the wisdom of the creation of a relationship based on adoption, it is an opportunity for each of you to be yourself and to feel normal, not playing any role. The adoption is the key to intimacy in relationships, which you do not want to escape.
When the man realizes that he is taking it "breathes" and starts to take steps in your direction when he realizes that his freedom is not expect, he begins to listen to your desires and fears, doubts, and fears, then he is ready to dialogue on the principle of "win – win".
This wisdom came to me immediately, there was a period when I wanted to fully take over time, when I protested his absences to friends, some independent decisions and did a lot of stupid things. During this period he moved away, "ran away" to friends and waiting for my aloof behavior, not particularly in a hurry to my house, but when I embraced it, he went to me towards, and relations began to be built in harmony. We do not spend forces and energy for the showdown, we direct it to create.
Believe me, it's great when you can talk all you want and not to hear reproaches, and to see the support, be yourself and realize that you are taking any. The adoption promotes the development, because if you take me now, seeing all the pros and cons, I have someone improve, not because of fear of rejection, and the desire to make happy your loved one.
When we create a relationship based on adoption, we walk towards each other, when we see a partner instead of a piece of clay and it is our duty to mold from it something, in our opinion, valuable, we are moving away and destroy their happiness.
I wish you would learn to accept yourself and your man!
"a Prayer for gestaltist"
I'm me and you're You.
I'm busy with my job and You do mine.
I'm not in this world to live up to your expectations
and you - not to meet mine.
If we met - that's fine.
If no - this nothing to help.
I'm me and you're You.
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