OK, who of you is still a "good girl"? What is "good well-mannered woman"? You?
Yeah, maybe you live and try to escape, to adapt, to blend in with your surroundings. And you think that this way is faster and better achieve their goals. You sacrifice yourself and sincerely think and believe that this sacrifice will be noticed by others and gratitude going to get you. You want your efforts in the family, at work, in social life was somehow rewarded. At the same time, to speak openly about the psychological dividends or return effective actions you fear and simply afraid. Do not announce themselves, because for a woman to expect any remuneration is considered improper and is not supported in society (with the exception of obtaining material benefits in the form of fur coats, jewelry....)
What prevents a woman to Express themselves, their demands, their intentions and desires? This one is a big task – compulsory desire to please, through the limitations of themselves in self-determination, choice, self-development, autonomy and independence. This internal task puts a barrier between the woman and her vast capabilities.
This sad story continues as long as the woman focused on others, on someone else's opinion, and this opinion is much more significant and important than that which she herself has formed of himself. What does she know about your thoughts and desires? Often, nothing. We women sit in their cages, set up proxy (or parents or husband or children or boss). And more happy to accept the role of "good girl" than a satisfied woman's life. Why? Because we're being swallowed by fear of punishment for self-sufficiency, freedom and joy. We are constantly thinking about what sort of impression you make upon others. Think: what can you say; and whether we love; and to provide for our joy as something unnatural and alien to the world of men. As a result, due to the lack of the most banal entertainment, have – despair, frustration, regret and hopelessness. Moreover, we also may not achieve the desired objectives.
the Reasons for all this in our past. In psychological injuries. In education. Who is more characteristic of helplessness in childhood and continue into adult life, boys or girls? I think you know the answer. The girl grows with vnosimye postulates: "You must be a demon problem, the so-called good", "You have to be flexible", "You must like", "You must learn to cook", "You should...". And that boy needs to be strong, smart, stable protector and provider.
As if from childhood these qualities are taken away from women and given to men. And from the very young age she becomes "stupid, weak, incompetent in many areas." It is helpless before the world. She doesn't know what the reaction to the inability and helplessness is that it thinks of itself, they say, will not be able to cope. Constantly, faced with his failure, the woman gets used to treat yourself as something secondary and second-rate. And affect is not the real circumstances, and personal beliefs, which read: "I can't do anything, I do not know how, I just can't help ourselves fully." And that lead to low self-esteem and the formation of the internal card NOT success, much reducing the chance to experience the triumph.
Ceasing to trust yourself women begin to trust themselves, their lives, their aspirations and desires to others. They adapt and customize themselves under the will of others, losing the joy and good mood. Its inertness reject his own success, and if something does not work – doing self-flagellation and nurturing feelings of guilt.
so how can this not negatively affect a woman's personality? Depression, anxiety and psychosomatic symptoms are the most expensive and the faithful companions of such women. She rarely feels able to control one's own fate, life, make their own decisions and support themselves. She is forced to abandon themselves, and who do not know themselves, becoming dependent on strangers.
And it turns out instead to develop, be realized and to live a successful and joyful life, "helpless" women put efforts to meet the needs of their loved ones, trying to please and work in a great way unreal, but such good girls. To be dependent in this case, it is also very convenient. "Others will do and decide, and I'll just be nice, understanding, quiet, shy, modest.... An obedient girl."
I urge you to do:
- to stop being obedient, to gain ease and to begin to rejoice,
- understand what you want and what you require environment
- get rid of the conflict between dependence and self-determination
- learn to keep yourself in emotional balance,
to seek enforcement of their rights.
I'm sure that women can find harmony in yourself. To know her and to give to others. There is nothing more joyful than to live with a woman who's happy and who gives you the genuine warmth, love and care.
the Family psychologist Natalia Konopleva.