After a year it will be easier.


the Birth of a child – a miracle! So it was for me, I had a favorite, long-awaited girl, my Golden girl! I couldn't breathe from happiness... Classic family crisis after the birth of their first child it went very smooth, as easy pereraspredelitel role and we have become a difficult husband and wife, but father and mother.

I was so happy that I didn't want to share with anyone caring about the child, the husband was not against it. I plunged into motherhood, despite the anxieties and life was calm and clear. Inner harmony also extended to appearance, I easily restored and even improved physical form.

About a second child we did not think though he was supposed to appear, but later. The second pregnancy was a bombshell, and when her daughter was one year and eight months, I learned that you are pregnant.

Being gracious as I started to prepare for the birth of the second child. Unlike the first pregnancy was more relaxed and calm, enjoying the process. The only thing that bothered is the fear that I will love one child more than another. And the closer it was time to give birth, the brighter it became my emotions.

I looked for support where he could. In conversations with friends and shared experiences. One of them, the mother of two children, talked about the fact that they are different feelings, and she has no choice between children. She didn't see the problem and talked about that it is impossible to compare this different love. The other, having one child, said that would soon to worry about time, or lack thereof, and how to do everything, having two young children.

And here happened the miracle of the birth of the second child! I saw a blue-eyed bald boy and realized that the question about love can't even stand, I love my son, love my daughter, love my husband, love the whole world!

Then began the usual chores: diaper, night vigil and first appeared feel like I was in hell when both kids are sick, and the husband in business trip.

But it was not the most difficult. It is difficult for us to come, and broke a family crisis. Relationship with her husband completely disintegrated, it seemed that all the difficulties, not experienced for the first time, now broke and need attention and answers. Attention was demanded by the husband, bored and not learning a new wife, "a maltreated housewife". Attention required daughter entering the crisis three years, and vying for my attention, and, of course, the newborn son anywhere without me.

the Daughter went to the garden and the days when we were left alone with the baby was more calm and measured, and at the weekend our house turned into "crazy." It was necessary to organize leisure of the eldest child, and the husband demanded a special relationship. And I waited for Monday to have all dispersed, and we with the son were alone, and I rested.

I don't know why, but at the time I didn't enjoy using loved ones and not resorted to the services of a nanny. Psychological distance with her husband became longer. Because of fatigue and lack of free time, we rarely spoke at removed topics, spend time together and our conversations, like all life, closed in on the needs of kids. Hard to say what I needed more psychological or physical help and support. At the time, I thought, when this is all over and wanted a divorce.

on a Gloomy autumn day the tortured and disheveled, I ran to the pharmacy for drugs to children and accidentally met a neighbor who also had children with a small age difference, but they were older than I by a year.

Surprisingly, looking at me and without asking questions, she said, "After a year will be easier!". It was clear that she experienced everything I feel from a year earlier and wanted to cry, on the one hand, from fatigue sensation impasse, on the other hand, there is hope that life can be happy and everything will change.

I do Not know, helped the meeting or not, but in the spring the situation has changed. We wrote letters to each other, as in talking at that time was not good, only mutual accusations and claims. Can't say that my husband quickly responded to the initiative to answer in writing, but the desire to change the situation in the family seems to have increased persistence. It was a difficult letter on the backlog of grievances about my and his desires and feelings to each other. Of course, my letter was much longer, and in them the question of divorce was discussed more than in the letters of her husband. Gradually the situation improved, back chat "for life", a new theme, and we began to spend more time together, even after putting the kids to bed.

After the birth of children, as with any new family situation can be easily and quickly destroy the relationship, but much more difficult to build a new one, as circumstances had irrevocably changed. We are both faced with loneliness and lack of familiar support from each other. We both find ourselves in a new situation, experience, emotion which neither one of us was not.

after Passing the test you know, everything takes time, and it need not in order to suck it up and be a "sad character" of his life, and to adapt and develop new strategies, ways of behavior. Children, of course, not stopped hurting, but there was a deeper emotional connection with her husband, the feeling of belonging to the miracle and all difficulties were experienced easier with the feeling of a reliable shoulder near. Life sparkle with new colors.

And when one day a friend called me, who gave birth to a second child, too, with a small difference in age between the children and asked: "is This nightmare ever end?", to which I replied "After a year will be easier!" and told that things I.

Darenskaya Svetlana
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