Recently, in a conversation with a beautiful, successful and confident lady, I heard the phrase:

"I love men, there will not argue. But after a divorce know that any man can bring. So I don't want to spend the forces and nerves in the family. I now have a man, he makes me feel good. But think about marriage, about something serious I don't want to."

the Girl I have been divorced for a dozen years. She is not alone in its position. Thanks to her, I could very clearly Express the thoughts of thousands of divorced women, especially single mothers.

the Theme of trust is key in the life of every woman that has ever betrayed. Consonant? Few survive the divorce. We must after him to be able to build a family. Therefore I have collected in one article the doubts and fears faced by any of us after a breakup. If I forgot something – write me in the comments or ask a question directly for advice.

• All men traitors. Well, isn't it?

in the same way that all women are bitches. Well, isn't it? There is no comments. Just an echo of resentment. The echo is silent, if you give him sound. We must speak out and cry.

• If a person cheated once, will most likely change again.

first, each person has many different, even contradictory qualities. Secondly, people can change. Yes, Yes and Yes again. More about this Jerome Klapka Jerome wrote in the story "Python".

I Have, in turn, their evidence. Talk about a single client.

the man frankly admitted that in my first marriage cheated right and left. When married a second time, felt so guilty for past sins. So much so that when faced with a betrayal of his second wife, basically did not pay in the same coin, to change in response. "Because I gave myself and the heavens the promise of that change not anymore"

• I have many times changed... I attract only traitors?

don't throw tomatoes at me, but the idea is something there. Only the most attract not traitors, and betrayal as the action. will Try to explain.

Suppose you have met the man of high moral, sincere and honest. Who is responsible for those who tamed. He had no intentions to deceive anyone, to betray. He is ready with his chest to meet the difficulties of life together. Courageously overcome. To work at a relationship, whatever is meant.

He lives, feels. And you maybe skeptical about his beliefs. Because you already have the sad experience.

that is the message you broadcast to the elect. Maybe not even directly, and in context. Reservations, details. They say that Brad pitt left Jolie. But how else? Men always throw, even if a woman is smart, beautiful and rich. What can we say about ordinary mortals.

Even if he starts to argue with you, your main argument: "don't tell me stories! I have the experience!"

At one point your partner beginning to believe. He still does not give in this report, but the seed of doubt has already given fruit. His high morality has been criticized for adequacy. Could not stand criticism.

this effect is based the theory of "the Overton Window". According to this theory, when a certain external pressure, people can justify anything, even pedophilia, and even cannibalism.

Betrayal, though not quoted as high as cannibalism, but still it is not the norm. Mothers trying to raise their children true and honest. For a normal men to cross training and to betray a loved one, a difficult step. If the woman is convinced that betray it is a standard development of the situation, it facilitates a difficult step for a man.

What can one conclude? Only one. The betrayal that happened to you in the past is trouble, which was the cause and from which you learned a lesson. More in your life this does not happen again. Not because it won't be a relationship. Because you know how to cherish relationships. And that is what is expected from the beloved.

• Scalded milk – water blow. How can I change myself and trust the man again?

Yes, that would be extremely difficult. Needless to say that this can and should go to a psychologist? Of course, you need. The issue of trust is so deep and complex that one team building will not get off.

You read the previous paragraph. Are you ready to give a chance to your man? You just need to assume that a man can be faithful and honest.

Now step on the part of men. Earn your trust.

If you think that trust is deserved in difficult life troubles, you are greatly mistaken.

I Called and explained where and with whom delayed. Suggested a weekend together. Took responsibility for an important decision. The dispute has mentioned that he wants to understand you. There are all sorts of words spoken by chance, make a picture of the world clearer than long monologues?

every woman has their "thing", formed by past experience. Someone important to know that the man will not prohibit her favorite hobby. Someone- he doesn't drink. What's in it for you? A mandatory feature without which you will not even "consider the candidate"? Cornerstone.

the Trust is a joint work. Sometimes a woman thinks after her words: "show me I can trust you" a man is obligated to bring the moon to move mountains. This position self-centered. From this position, the family will suffer no less than from dishonest men.

If you have a sad past, it could impose a mark on your morality. Afraid your new sweetheart.

that is, if ednode betrayed you, maybe you want to "take revenge on all women" and to bring in response. The man has a right to doubts and fears. When a woman is tormented by thoughts like: "I have suffered enough, now have the right to impose strict requirements", the man is going through: "She's waiting for me to allow himself to wipe his feet?"

and this Happens.

anyway, the experience of divorce is a useful Luggage. School of life, which will help you to become happy in a new family, if we draw the right lessons.

• there is No happiness in life! Everything is garbage.

If you think so, as written above, a few months after the divorce – clearly it is time to the psychologist. Depression is not far off.

If you are not afraid of the word "depression", perhaps, more effect will have a warning – with such ideas, you can turn in the ever-dissatisfied-aunt. Of those who spend your whole life trying to blame the government, life, youth, and the fate of the villain.

This stage. Childbirth is also a difficult stage, but you passed it and yet were born to do! So deserve to be happy. It should be taken for its creation. Grain by grain a day, but starting today.

Article author. Original at www.natalubina.ru

Natalia Depth