Aggression in men and in General


In today's culture it is not customary to Express your anger. This is not just taught, trying to be aggressive actively prohibit since childhood. Once I spoke with a man named Sasha, who cited an example: in his childhood he was teased (I don't remember – excess weight or just unsociable), Sasha suffered. But at one point broke down and got kicked in the offender. To the blood.

unfortunately, it saw Sasha's mother. Why unfortunately? Yes, because she dragged him home, all scolded him and lightly beat. Details I don't remember, but the fact is just incredible – instead of having to protect his son and to approve his actions, she made Sasha's fault. Which scenario in this moment she laid in the future man? You cannot be stronger than the others, shut up and be patient, keep your head down.

impossible to Fight

Such beliefs very much. Especially the mothers.

Aggression to be bad. To be evil is ugly. Be kind and love others.

as a result, children with blocked anger to vent tension where parents often can not get – in his fantasies. It can be scary or evil drawings and stories, and of course computer games.

I played games almost my entire adult life. He loved to crush the pedestrians in Carmageddon, shooting with blood in Quake and the Duma, to seize foreign territories in the strategies to be better than others in online games. This is pure aggressive competing strategy, which I implemented in games, because they could not in life. In my life I was a nice boy who did well in school.

Another way to vent anger is passive-aggressive ways, for example, swearing foul language, Smoking, house rules, sabotage, body modification (tattoos, piercings, etc.). The more you forbid children in the family to be active, the more it climbs in other places.

In more complicated cases, children begin to behave in an extremely antisocial, i.e., to fall into the wrong company, contact with criminal activity. In such families the biggest taboo on the expression of anger and conflict, huge bans and as a result a lot of stress inside.

As one character from Jurassic Park: "Life, uh... finds a way." Nature often wonderfully avoids human limitations.

Also in reality, the anger will always come out, and either it is healthy anger, directed at protecting its borders, the desire to be better and stronger, or it will be inappropriate behavior, crime, care in the virtual aggression in the games.

This occurs more frequently in men. Women interesting – they usually grow as obedient and correct that, it would seem that they rule is not working. No anger, a pleasure and kindness. But no, it works. Know how? They choose the aggressive "bad" men who reflect their inner tension.

About bad guys and good girls

I am often asked, "why is she so cool and kind, and chose not me, but that dick? But I am".

In fact, the secret of the script "nice girl falls for bad guy" is simple — it is inside the same, just her everything forbade education so that the only way to be bad (i.e. alive) at least sometimes, is to be around an antisocial man who allows himself that the woman forbids. And it's good for her, and not the same sweet guy, who is afraid of everything.

the Best way to please a woman for the "good" guys to finally show some aggression. To be tougher, more active, and not afraid to compete with others, to show who is better. Of course, this requires strength and confidence, but the good news is, these traits can be developed.

Children, especially boys, need to learn to Express anger from an early age, learning to protect yourself and guide healthy aggression into something productive – to grow, to be able to compete and capture new territory. This greatly simplifies their life in the future.

for Adults men have more complicated because they need to rebuild their previous behavior — and it's a bunch of fears, doubts. The habit to withdraw for any difficulties, the desire to hide behind the screen, "I'm just a regular guy, working a job, playing games". But there is no other way.

simple tips that you can apply now, it's 1. to send to hell those people who you don't like, not hiding the reluctance to communicate with courtesy. Well, if you derision. 2. To start any martial art, because it greatly increases the value and gives an understanding of what to do when physical aggression 3. To determine who you are jealous of to understand where to go.

Envy, contrary to popular belief, it is a strong indicator that in which direction your anger and what your body wants. Who infuriates you, who do you envy? The person who earns more than you? Or which outrank you? Or who is smarter? Or do you know? That's what you really want.

the Body always gives you the anger to make you act. But clever human culture banned and envy, labeling an emotion as "negative", because otherwise you will start to work and it is necessary to nobody. Except you.

Story about how I made mistakes in the school competition, not to be better than others

At school I studied well, the items were given to me easily, and some especially. For example, in mathematics and history were almost always excellent, despite the fact that outside of school I mostly played games and nothing is crammed. English taught courses (thanks parents!), plus, helped those same games, so the language in General never had any problems.

once in 9 or 10 class was just a lot of Olympiads in different subjects, and I'm in a couple of them won. In my opinion, algebra and geometry. I was ahead of just two items.

what happened next, I remember very well: I go to the list of winners of the Olympiad in history and see that also took first place. Already three items. Satisfied out of the class. Come to me a few guys from the next grade, with whom I had neutral relations, but which in itself was pretty bad. One of them said, "Well you're a nerd right!". Like anything special, and said so sarcastically-Yes, but I was directly hit. I realized that I would be better than others. So I have someone dislikes, and then maybe even beat. Funny and sad, of course, but I'm scared.

looking At I sat pensive and didn't know what to do. The task was simple for me and I quickly wrote. I knew I could easily win. Then again I remembered the situation and decided that it would be necessary to make a couple of mistakes to make in the first place not to be. At least on the second or third. Amazing, huh? But I seriously thought so. Did some pokercouk, in some places replaced the times of the verbs and everything. Now I like the others.

I do Not remember what place I took, but not the first. The feeling was so-so. Of course, I have reached my goal and no one was watching, but inside it was very disappointing that I allowed myself to do so.

the Moral? The items were easy for me, I didn't feel the competition that was better, I didn't care. And once encounter the real danger to assert yourself and to the consequences of envy and disapproval, he immediately gave back. Still remember the story. Now there is no desire to repeat it. To be better than others — it's hard and scary, did not teach. So you'll have to learn it now.

How to Express healthy aggression?

In my opinion, there are two types:

1. Protective. Defending their boundaries, i.e. rules and values, even if the cost is a conflict. To say "no" to that and who don't like to enforce the rules, if you break them (in stores, for purchases of goods/services, roads, communication, when no demand, criticize, etc.).

Example: bought a product and it is defective. Not passively cursing Putin, but to go out and demand compensation. Not many people can do this, because scary and hard. By experience I can say that most women go to fight, and men sit.

2. Attacker. Manifested in the "gripping" new territory through competition with others — to make more money, get better results in sports, in your career. To expand the sphere of influence in the business.

Example: don't be afraid to talk about their services to say that you better than the others what exactly. To demand increase in their pay at work, to offer a new service on the market. Simply put, to be able to praise himself openly to stand out and assert themselves.

In Russia and so with the other complexity. Easier to sit at home and grumble that everything is bad than to defend themselves. It's easier not to Express their talents, and to wait for uncle, and you begin to promote (getting a raise).

Many people laugh at America and its laws, and because they care, they still know how to defend their rights. Go and understand. Either themselves, or in court. Similarly with business: to promote yourself, be proud of your services to name the firm its name is honor, not shame.

Domrachev Paul
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