the Modern world is deployed in the side of the children. A great number of articles explaining the child's mind, learning the correct methods of education, appeals to parental conscience. Expanding understanding of the influence of childhood experiences on life strengthens the field of parental responsibility. Own children's deficits are shocking to parents lists of demands. Many mothers experience a permanent sense of guilt for its imperfection. They passionately want to treat their children correctly and constantly looking for recipes and recommendations. They have a lot of needs-needs-needs.But hardly anyone talks about the fact that when we expose ourselves—mother demands we look at ourselves through the eyes of their inner children. Those who have the expense to their parents. Thus giving your child the real role of our judges. He is angry, upset — all, I'm a bad mother. And arising after the conclusion of feelings of powerlessness, guilt, self-unhappiness I was experiencing, which bring labor pain. To cope with this bouquet it can be impossible, and then you need to act in other ways to make your child happy, that my heart became calm. Because the criterion for assessing the quality of motherhood — his emotions. And here then the question arises: for whom children need to be happy? Not for mom Lee, who is sure to want to return the feeling "I am done" and enjoy your own correctness? But then is it really happiness: duty and for someone?
Children becomes much easier when the identity of the mother is in her hands. That is, first it was born as a mother and then gave birth to her child.
Next to the swing mother and the child dimly perceives the inability to do something necessary (containerwith mother) and to be someone you need right now (not yourself) and, as a consequence, guilt and anxiety.
Such a relief when she knows what she's a mom. When she accepts his imperfection and willing to forgive yourself for mistakes, correcting what can be corrected and resigned to the fact that it is impossible. When she is not in a hurry to beat yourself up for mistakes, competing with his own mother, and is able to soberly assess the reality. When she is sensitive to your child and able to correctly assess the damage, not increasing it before the crash. Then it is possible to give a specific amount of support, not suffocating her care and not flooding your own guilt and anxiety. And time to stop that child could do something that might already own — to survive, to assimilate the experience, to try, etc. to Stop guessing his strength, not throwing from his own powerlessness. Such a mother can rely on. Because she's not trying to be, and already is. Not ideal, causing many conflicting feelings, but a living, real, that you can feel, you can feel.To raise children without injuries — it is a utopia. One can only believe that they can handle them. And, if you dare and allow yourself to heal your own wounds, faith in kids is supported by experience.
In our time with interrupted continuity, lack of transmission of traditions, it is impossible to create a continuous and intuitive to draw on the experience of the kind. Very much need to open ourselves. And here it is — the best we can. Because our individual stories are coming to our framework.I propose to interrupt the process of improving your maternity and ask yourself: what am I doing in my inner world? On my children's part, whether she had a caring and loving mother? If I was at home?
I'm sure you will find the difficulties that appear mirrored in the relationship with your children. After all, you can't learn to look at the other, unable to look at himself. Is impossible to satisfy a real child, when their own kids part of the disadvantaged. And it is impossible to compensate for their own deficiencies, becoming a good mother to someone else. And not herself.
But, if you decide to grow yourself, with kids it will happen naturally — because then you can use their own creativity, its own supports and findings. And it's even fun: don't try to protect someone from their mistakes, and love, to observe, to learn, to help another person discover the huge world and themselves in it.
Live for yourself and let your children live near you.
— feels wider than its child ;
— knows what it is. And her perception of self is not destroyed, if the child is not happy with it. The child's feelings — his reaction, not its definition. They talk about him and not her.
— trust yourself and your baby;
— live for yourself, believing the child is important, but a part of her life, which she shares with him; comes in making parental decisions is not only knowledge and understanding, but also to their possibilities and conditions.