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one of my clients we were working on her installation about the uselessness and unimportance. Worked long and hard, and she started the track, she is like a pet peeve, which is very easy to attack, and so she starts to join: "I don't need, I'm not important." In the parent family, the father with alcohol dependence, his mother saved more than paid attention to his daughter. They died long ago. There is one psychodramatic technique is to imagine the meeting with them with closed eyes, and to Express what the soul is, but she is herself a big fan, as she says, paratment asked whether it is possible to write them a letter. Well, why not? With her permission I want to share:

" again I go into those parts of memory that are vague vague feelings stored in my heart. One double bed with mattress... it's cold, because I even now seem designed for two-three people although do people sleep at three? And the voice of the grandmother, a little creaky from old age. I lie and get sick I have a fever, and breaks the whole body, and very scary. Scared of being hurt, and then I'll die, burned by the unrealistic temperature. And you're not around, although you really need, you left the apartment to dad. By the way, I somehow don't remember you and dad in my grandmother's apartment, that's all. I thought you was not with me, you did not come. Perhaps you had something more important to me has always been something else. Work or you do each other, or life, or a movie, in which you went, even on weekends, the only days when you were with me, but I also somehow don't remember how you took me. There is a feeling of eternal abandonment, and uselessness. And then when we all moved in together, I remember that a couple of times a month, not less accurate, do you, dad never came home from work, mom twitched, and either came , sorry, animal, with bouts of drunken affection, gradually turns into aggression, or nobody came, and the next day it became clear that you were in detox, lost money , and now it will be very hard to live this month. I yearn for a normal childhood, what it could be? Definitely Yes, and this longing and pain with me all my life, and I still can't get over it. Now I can see many things differently and realize that perhaps you, Mama I just wanted to keep from the sight of the father in an unfavorable light. And you felt that he really needs, without you he will die, did you protest, did not allow him to drink. After reaching a certain edge of his alcohol addiction, I can say that you held him firmly in his hands. It was a feat for him, it is clear, to drink to the state of the animal only 2 times a month. When the level of problems with alcohol, he definitely wanted to do it every day. First time in my life I took a long psychotherapy for some years prior to her divorce from her husband of 1.5 years, and my therapist explained that all the roots of psychological problems go back to childhood. She said I was a victim of emotional abuse in childhood, and therefore I have low self esteem, I don't know how to love myself, I come into painful relationships, both personal and business, where I'm not appreciated. To be honest, I had long period, which lasted for several years, disgust and hatred towards you. Apparently, this step was necessary. Hatred gives you strength. And the forces need to accept their past and learn to live with it. A lot is said and written about the need to forgive parents. I wouldn't even call it forgiveness. I only know that there is a line, if for which the person is logged in, then to mention it is not correct, it is a kind of pathology. If a person quits their children, or beat them to the hospital, not feeding for several days, indulging in alcoholism, it is a pathology, and I understand it ends in the termination of parental rights. But you can say that the most glaring negative point for me was that day when I, as a teenager , had a long conversation on the phone, and was not engaged in the lessons. You, father snatched from my hand phone and broke it on the floor. Even before I realized what I was doing, I chip of the phone hit you on the head and you in my face. Men's hand hard, and gentle maiden skin. I had a black eye. But I know that if I was a downtrodden creature, then I hardly have originated with this impulse to hit his head. I mean, there was some very outrageous things, beatings to the hospital, or abused every day. The feelings, there was love, there was warmth and pleasure, was not of bright colors in life. But I really wanted to grow up, to go to work and build your life and correct your errors. Now I do not hate, only sorrow, which may even becomes lighter with age. I understand more and more as you was not easy, and it is sad to me not only for ourselves, for our whole family. You are living with me since 6 years together, in fact. You caught this beautiful period when the child generously parents unconditional love. I, unexpectedly, your child received source of unconditional love, and she is bright and lovely and was up to 10 years. You haven't had that. When we arrived, I was already setting about his uselessness and hardly showed his love openly. Even vaguely remember now that I was accused that I unkind. Yeah, I don't know how to Express it. Thank you men, which I loved, they very quickly opened me to this gift in me of this very much.

things could be very different. But history does not tolerate subjunctive mood. Unfortunately, this has consequences for me until now, and including in the relationship with his son. I can't stand it when I do not accept and appreciate it, or when I think that this is so. I have this hypersensitivity. I enjoyed the father-son relationship, until he began a period of separation. I vaguely remember myself. I also criticized you, well, maybe more gently, or I think so now. But when I stopped of course to take my son to criticize and wonder why I live so wrong, I grew up an ice wall between me and him, and I can't get it to cut for several years. Sometimes a little bit it melts, but no more. And what to do with it, I don't know. But I promise that I'll find a way, he just is.

And I realized that hatred is already there once when I filled in some of the regular psychological test, the question was, what would I wish I had parents. I was troubled – as what? Of course, mine. I really love you are what you eat. Don't want to talk about you in past tense. You are always alive in my soul, and I'm talking to you. You and I often dream about. I wouldn't call this forgiveness. Just the desire to blame disappeared. I think my longing to be lighter with age, and one day, maybe filling another test, I understand that she is not longing already. I don't even know you can come to this place. But I'm curious."

I Believe that therapy although very slowly, but going in the right direction. Acceptance of the past, parents and child is not only at the level of rationalization, but also of emotions, feelings, souls. In addition, unfortunately, often, children from families with alcohol dependence, nicotine etc., the parents, despite the aversion to scenes of childhood, with a drunken parent, constantly reeking of tobacco themselves drawn into it. And communication with partners and with children is also very common story with a dysfunctional childhood. But the modern achievements of psychological science, a strong desire to change the family script, and quality psychotherapy, will likely help guide life in a more favorable direction. It is impossible to impose the idea of forgiveness parents. Moreover, this in itself is not a key of deliverance all injuries, stretching from childhood. This process occurs in the soul or not happening. In our psyche there is nothing superfluous. And as my client has several years of hatred to her parents, in her assessment helped her to go to another level of self-awareness. The emotions suppressed in childhood, they had to live.

We can't change our past, but we can make every effort to be good parents for their children to have a bright and warm childhood, so they did not spend years trying to cope with his pain and has created a beautiful and happy family and gave us grandchildren.

Tatiana Chursina
2018-10-28
Статья выложена в ознакомительных целях. Все права на текст принадлежат ресурсу и/или автору (B17 B17)

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