the

I've Noticed one interesting thing: I take my youngest daughter quite differently from different angles.

for Example, I sometimes get tired and lay down to rest, and she sits near me and plays, the game starts for me to crawl, to jump, to bother. In this position I'm looking at it from the bottom up, and it often looks to me like a little tyrant who does not give me rest.

mostly, of course, I look at it from above, and she's downstairs so tiny, and when she looks up at me, I see her either defenseless, pathetic, or a little cranky (and it happens).

Often I sit down at her level and looking into his eyes, we talk or play, become "one blood".

So, thinking about it again, Recalling me about the role of "victim", "persecutor" and "Savior". A lot of internal work here, tracking the hit in this "theater". It all starts with the "victim".

If ignore me - I am the victim.

If I raise my voice - I am the victim.

If I promised and forgot, I'm the "victim".

If my opinions do not count - I am the victim.

this is Experienced as a mixture of fear, shame, feelings of injustice, resentment.

In the distant childhood days, this reaction was chosen as the optimal necessary for survival. But I grew up, and the reaction is left is a feeling of being a "victim", a fall into the pit of rejection.

And the usual methods to get out of it is to become a "lifeguard" or "Stalker". In both these roles feel "on a horse".

In the first case, rushing into danger for the sake of another, in whom, too, saw the victim, in the hope that nobody will notice that I have just been the same "weak".

In the second - chasing the victim with his sword unsheathed, determined to part with her, as if thereby get rid of the "victim" inside.

When I can see it in the fall "victim" to feel, and to draw a parallel between boiling inside emotions and childhood experiences, then, usually, the further development of the usual scenario happens. Most importantly, keep your focus on yourself.

If you go back to the start, no matter what level I communicate with my daughter, I often remember who I am, who she is, and in any of its behavior see the baby, where I - the good, the great mother.

And such a vision to develop respect to yourself and others: keep a piece of the consciousness of the perspective, which will be able to identify these mechanisms.


Recently there was a case where I clearly side saw the hit man in the triangle and moving from one role to another.



I went to "the Gingerbread man" for the cakes. Before us, leaning on a stick, stood an overweight woman and three men. And, apparently, she suddenly felt the rejection of heartless neighbors take turns that no one noticed her condition and gave the right ("victim"). And it seemed to her so unbearable that after her eyes fell on us (we found a new "victim"), she suddenly said, "People, skip ahead a woman with a child!" To which I replied: "Thanks, but not necessary - we haven't chosen what you want to buy". Then the woman has already shouted with anguish: "People, what are you blind, miss a woman with a child!" Those who stood first, turned on us and made it clear that it is willing to miss. But we do not chose the pies! And instinct already told me that trying to drag me into the game. And I said, "don't worry about us. If I wanted to, I will ask miss." And then the woman went on the offensive, "rescue" has become a "pursuer": "And I for you and do not worry, I worry for the child - he can hardly stand!" By the way, the daughter stood quietly, only looked puzzled at the strange aunt. Was joined by another lady ("persecutors" has become two), which began to tell the heartbreaking story, as recently seen on the streets of the same careless mother, only the child in the frost was dressed in some light overalls (probably the membrane) and that there is no need to have children to then over them so fun. Well, I managed to clearly see what happened, and did not continue to participate in the conversation. We chose and bought cakes, and stomped home with them.

a Few years ago, I probably would be frightened of such pressure, and agreed to be the sacrifice to rasplyvetsya woman has fulfilled her mission of salvation and left me alone. But the price for this concession would be my calm and confidence.

In General, examine yourself, develop your inner "observer" is a good thing. I, for instance, and the, who helps me a lot, grateful :)



Naila Width
2018-04-13
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