This phrase we always add at the end of each wishes to our family and friends, emphasizing how important it is for us the most happiness. It reflects our most secret dreams and fears. And how often we do not have enough - and men and women!
It came, rushed in like a whirlwind. . Fashion magazine: smart and well-groomed. Wearing not flashy, but tastefully, it was the image of a true "mistress of life". Every movement, every gesture oozed confidence and I want to say - calm. And peace is just not there.
Fell into a chair. Froze for a moment, gathering his thoughts. And without history, in the same breath: "why am I so always work with men?".
"Strong", "independent", "self-sufficient", "business lady" - a special category of women who appealed for help to a psychologist occasionally, when you have already tried all the other ways of solving the problem. The appeal of a woman to a psychologist is always a "cry for help". After all, she is able to solve any problems!
She always knows what he wants to achieve. Wants! House – a full bowl, the children arranged and secured at work – respect and recognition, free time – densely occupied and painted by the interesting and pleasant activities. Only here personal life is not very happy.
She has probably already had been married, not once. And the number of Hobbies and unsuccessful unions are not identifiable. And whenever a lady breaks up with her spouse or partner because he "does not meet her expectations and demands." Why? Maybe she expects of her men something that he cannot give her? And I want so little: care, attention, respect.
the Trouble is that she's not used to talk about their desires and needs. She knows how to take care of others, noticing their mood and to meet their needs. Whether she doesn't realize, or simply doesn't know how to Express their feelings. Often she can't share your life with someone, because it is considered self-sufficient and tough. We must be very brave to show others the power that it actually is devoid of!
In my childhood my parents spoiled her, but, apparently, not so not how she wanted. It often happens that the child wants to receive a gift for the birthday game to play with friends (remember, there was such a sheet of colored cardboard with the route, chips and dice)? And parents choose in the shop the most fashionable doll in the fifth - and solemnly presented it to the child. The girl doesn't want to hurt my parents and can not say that the doll was not nice to her. This, repeated many times becomes familiar. Stepping on the throat of his desires are adult the woman is afraid to hurt now your man and tell what is wrong in their relationship. He tried.
Another possible internal cause of failures in his personal life – the so-called, the tendency to fight. No matter with whom and with what – with the competitor, with public stereotypes, habits colleagues not to shut down the computer with "windmills", private complexes.
to Prove anything – some fun, and get away from him is not easy, even when you do not remember that someone was trying to prove. Habit of always argue, typical of those who are faced with lack of understanding and lack of attention to their desires in childhood. Do I need to clarify that these senseless and ruthless war and Deplete her man?
But let us leave childhood in the past. What else can hinder our heroine to build a warm relationship? What prevents it now to meet a decent man? And do not say that he translated those men! They are, were and will be. Something inside bothers to find someone like that. Why consistently near it arise dependent and irresponsible partners? The answer is very close. Exactly with it feels big, important and needed. The thirst for power and full control pushes her to dominate. And it is this thirst, even stronger than love. Therefore it is called thirst. After all, when a person wants something - water, attention, communication - it's as if he noticed nothing around. Ahead – only one goal – the object of thirst. And the man loses control of himself until, until thirst is satisfied. This is very similar to the mechanism of addiction. It turns out: "strong" woman is a dependent person. Dependent on their weakness.
the Lust for power is associated with the fear of losing control. What will happen if she loses control? Nothing. Life goes on, so we there does not come up. From our efforts, little has changed in this world. After all, how many times it was relaxed and everything happened as if by itself... "When - not for a fee and the deposits very expensive for what we really are, and not the other...". She is able to relax with children, with friends and even at work. Why do men not get? It is in relationships with men and wakes up with this lust for power, rivalry, the desire to be better, smarter, more successful, higher. To prove him man... and that, in fact, to prove? She courageously? Nonsense. Smarter? But is it true? And if so, what's next?
What if she proves him? Or maybe just seeking attention, as was once sought his father's attention? Perhaps in childhood she lacked his father's attention, appreciation of her looks, her achievements, her importance to him. He felt but could not Express. Not like a real man is. So she did not understand if he was proud of her recognized?
And here is the result. Again appeared next to the man who can't read her thoughts, does not know what kind of care she expects him what kind of attention craving. And . she starts to prove that he deserves a better relationship. And once again disappointed in your choice.
We had a long talk with our heroine. Argue, share feelings and ideas. Something responded, something passed by. She recounted the cases of relationships with men and we tried to analyze them and check. She agreed with something – no, but by the end of the meeting, she began to understand that men able to hear, if you talk with them about their feelings aggressively. Throughout the meeting, she tried to talk about themselves, about their desires to make sure that there is nothing wrong that men are willing to hear it.
Strong female slave invented it image and in this image she is immensely lonely. But this image is just a false statement that is generated from the pain, the stereotype, resulting in loneliness.