Moms and dads often resort to the reception to the psychologist in a panic, due to the fact that children are jealous. Jealousy, this can be directed not only to brothers or sisters, but mom and dad or other family members.
If the child is jealous, what to do?
firstly, to stop and calm down. To think of it, why is this a “scary” the situation that causes so much emotion? How do You feel about such a feeling as jealousy? How do You know that something “bad”? From Your reaction depends largely on Your child's behavior. If You have your own inconsistencies on the subject, Your child will feel it and maybe play. For example, it may be as a child Your parents told You that jealous — this is bad, so do only not-perfect kids. Or scolded You for the jealous brother or sister? And You have fixed the chain: jealousy-bad-pain. That's why seeing some manifestations of jealousy in your own child, You begin to panic and fear. But You're afraid of your unlived, forbidden feelings.
secondly, you should know that jealousy — is not a “pathological” feeling, though in certain circumstances it may become. And children, and for adults typical of the whole range of feelings: resentment, jealousy, joy, etc. Accept this part of yourself and your baby. The more You push, deny or condemn it the worse it gets.
third, if the child is jealous of a brother or sister to your parents, mom or dad, you need to understand — this is normal. There are no such children who have not experienced any feelings about the fact that they do not belong alone. Some moms and dads say: “He's not jealous of younger or older to me”. This is not so, maybe these feelings of the child smoothed, processed with the help of parents, but that does not mean they do not exist at all. Even if outwardly this jealousy does not manifest itself, some of its elements are still present in the inner world of the child. Parents should remember that every person in the basis, of course, wants to possess something individually. He does not want to share mother's love with dad, or brother, or sister. He does not want to share your new car with a strange kid in the sandbox. Circumstances (the presence of the father, understanding that the mother belongs to him, and even brother or sister) cause the baby to adjust their behavior and their feelings.
fourth, the jealousy of one of parents need not be afraid because it is present in every child. In the development of any person is the period called, Oedipal. Then girls often say to the mothers: “marry the Pope!” and the boys begin to cling to the mother stronger and to show his father any way that he for mom's pet, not the Pope. It is a natural age period. It is inevitable, as well as feelings associated with it. It is necessary for the child to further growth and development. When a child is faced with the fact that mum is dad and dad's mom, and he will never marry and will not marry one of the parents, the child is separated, grows up and goes out into the big world to look for a couple myself. Another woman or another man, not mom and not dad.
If the child is jealous, talk to him. Explain that You love him that he is important and desired, but there are still father, mother, brother, sister. Yes, it forces him to face unpleasant feelings, but as he develops and Matures. In those moments when it's hard for him "to digest" the feeling, help him, try to give more time, do not be afraid for the umpteenth time to tell him of her love, to hug. At the same time, ensure that the child does not put You in my game under the name “I am the master, is more important than father (mother, brother, sister)”. Unfortunately, many mothers drawn into the game with their sons when the husband is on the sidelines, moved to another room and took the son. Mom is unable to separate and secede itself, with the authority of the father is equal to zero.
this Article was prepared for the newspaper "Youth Bulletin" No. 17 (6384) 16.08.2019