Topic you raise is not very pleasant, maybe I will fly now, but still dare to share my vision. the
One day, a colleague asked in surprise "You understand what they're moms and kids, where you have such sensitivity? Because you have no children, no experience of motherhood"? It was a very flattering compliment, but inside I was outraged. How is it not children?! I have their whole group! Why would she think that I have no experience? Oh yeah, my colleague, and the vast majority of our companies are at the mercy of stereotypes. I always lost when heard in his address "you Have your children there?" or "you'll have your own children then you will learn how to raise"...
I believe that to have children is a status, and being a Mom is more of a special spiritual state. Both can be simultaneously or separately, or not have them at all.
the Woman who gave birth to a child, acquires the status of "women with children", but whether it can rightly be considered the Mother? If she perceives herself? For me it is like we all belong to the genus "man", but not all can be called "Human". I'm not talking about the "perfect mom" and even about "good enough mother", as popularly discussed in news feed, and I especially do not mean "bad mother". All these terms characterize the degree of the ability to guess the needs of the child and the desire to satisfy them. But I'm not here about that. the
Mom for me is manifested in their attitude towards their children first and to other people's children secondly. Mom is the one who has the desire to show concern, care, attention and love to the child ignoring the fact that your child or someone else. Remember, one essay (can not remember the author), in which the mother of one boy gave some clothes and a favorite toy of his son two street children, who often came to her that they are fed. And the disturbance of son why she gave him the toy, the mother said she would buy him another, even better..., "but you will grow". I also was impressed with one short film, "For My name's sake" (events unfold in time of war) where the little girl German woman (her parents were shot) took under his wing a large Russian woman. Didn't stop her, that this daughter of the enemy that poked around, that she had nothing to feed their children. While the phrase "extra mouth" didn't sound rude, but was merely the helpless attempts to survive. And in spite of that, the woman gave her exactly as much care, warmth and love as he could at the time to give their children. In my practice, I've heard other examples, when my mom worked in an orphanage and loved other people's children , cared for them more than for his daughter. I think it's more like a deep internal compensation complex nedolyublennosti, rather than a true need to take care of.
I also know many women who can't have children, but deserve to be called Mothers. In the documentary short film "The return," well, in my opinion, illustrates two of these categories.
as for the attitude of the Mother towards their children is first of all accepting them as what they are, is unconditional love to them, it's about the lack of expectations. This is when the child is welcome, no matter how he was born. In my practice many women who have children, but which has not "woke up" inner Mother.
for example, for one of my client the birth of a son was a burden, because despite the fact that the child was desired and planned, he was not such by nature, as expected of a woman. "I thought it would be calm, not bringing trouble to the child, and was quite unbearable..." Intolerable child was partly because he feels frustrated moms that did not meet expectations.
Women who have children often complain that the child is stopping them to grow, build a career, or just to live! Often there is a sense that children are stealing from them the best years of their lives. Very sad to hear this. I am very sorry for these women because this situation affects both sides. From the children of these women you can often hear that part of their childhood, they were raised by their grandparents, aunts or neighbors. (I now do not take into account women raising children alone, and why have a day to spend time at work). Such children always chronically short mothers, and often they have to roll exhausting tantrums, playing a "bad" child, or go off illness to win the attention of moms, especially if it is the only way to keep her close. For me the first token that internal Mom is sleeping, when I hear "my children love, and others not." These women after marriage, against children partner. By the way, men, this applies to the same extent.
And all these stories about evil stepmothers is a story about women, which may well have the status of women with children, but in my understanding it's not your Mom.
Mom always gets the pleasure of motherhood. Here I mean that despite the fatigue, anger, irritation and helplessness faced by any woman raising children. Mom never wants to turn back the clock if given the opportunity. "It's hard, but I'm happy!" - they answer. One day, I was driving home from school and I met a pregnant woman. Its whole body was glowing with happiness! She was eager to share my happiness with the world. At the same time it was hard for me to understand. For some reason I thought that being a parent is not only boring, but also very hard. Because my mom was not this life in the eyes.I felt for mom motherhood is a burden. She always wore a tired and tortured. But this woman changed my view.
the Mother can not be with their children. Mom is the internal spiritual component, having a biological Foundation in the form of maternal instinct. It's about the need to care, to protect, to share their experience. She appears immediately, but with experience, with wisdom, she nurtured over the years!
Not every woman with children - Mother, and every Mother has their children. But my Mom is in each of us! It is only to hear, to Wake, or carefully cultivate like corn.