Today I am sharing a conflict resolution algorithm that I use myself and give practice to all its customers. br>
This is one of the most effective exercises for my courses, which satisfied almost everyone, and which is very helpful in all matters, both personal and work.

Before proceeding to the algorithm, I want to remind you that the conflict is not swearing and quarrels, and in its very essence a clash of interests. This is a situation where one person wants one thing and you another. This can be a clash of decisions, desires of two people, the contradiction of someone else's desires and your decisions. And whether the argument or expressing strong emotions are not that important. Perhaps everything happens quietly but tensely.


1. To speak the facts and estimates.that's what I call in my work "back to the male role." Often I see the situation, when during the conflict men begin to Express their discontent and grievances, complaining that everything is bad, thus dropping your weight and authority in the eyes of others. Instead, you need to ignore their emotional experiences and to formulate their dissatisfaction as the actual assessment of the situation that you are not satisfied.

Wrong: "You hurt me, I feel bad to correct the situation," "You make me sick, I hate everything now's gonna blow".
Right: "I do not like this situation, this is unacceptable, I want A, not B"

2. To recognize their part of responsibilitythe most Important axiom of conflict resolution: your responsibility in a situation is always. No matter swore at someone on the road, messed up slave or your relative teaches you life. Recognition of his share of the responsibility, at least in itself already deescalate conflict, i.e., reduces the level of intensity.

If you acknowledge responsibility, not only to myself, but say out loud "OK, I was wrong about X and Z" then it immediately becomes much easier.

Any person in the conflict feels the aggression, the feeling that you are being attacked, and if you instead attack the opposite will say that wrong is a strong and soothing solution.

This is a crucial point of the algorithm. If you find the strength to admit his mistake, it will cause the respect of men and the admiration of women.

Wrong: "You zafeylili task, I told quite another to do how can you be so irresponsible." br>Right: "I should have better worded TK / I knew you'd make a mistake, should have gone to help and supervise."

Wrong: "Cousin teaches me to live, I freaked out and never want to talk to him"
Right: "My responsibility is that I did not specify what I like in communication and what not cost these boundaries to identify and talk about them."

3. Come up with a solutionan Obvious but important point. If you will be able not only to recognize their part of responsibility, but to say "I Propose such and such output", you will show a) interest in solving problems in the best way for all b), but the solution offered only to those who can do.

If you can't think of a solution, you do not decide the conflict. The second important point of the algorithm. Don't know what to do? Do everything. Literally.

Wrong: "I can't think of any solution, it's bad"
Right: "I'm Not sure this will help, but here's what I propose: a, b, C".

4. Split, if # 1-3 don't helpThis paragraph need when the offense is off the charts, you only see in the other person, and no solutions. Then you need to leave and be alone.

If Bob Madden all around, the problem is very likely in the Bob. There is no way that responsibility to others, and you are very sick. Walk away from conflict, walk, relax, go to the gym, and return to the conflict.

5. Repeat steps 1-4After splitting relive all the items with a very high probability you will find somewhere my mistake, and can deescalate the problem.

I Repeat that one of the most important points is to recognize their part of responsibility. It calms the other party, it sends your thinking to the rational – solver.

Domrachev Paul
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