Many clients think that with the advent of the baby their own special life absolutely exhausted. Frequent request to the psychologist is associated with changes in a woman's life in the period of wearing, the birth and upbringing of the child. Women usually think that their personal interests are affected and that will never be as before... Is it really so? And what to do in order to remain the same, to give a part of yourself, but not to surrender completely, to retain their own identity, to continue to develop and grow, to rejoice and delight of others? This will be discussed in the article.
the Nature has made woman an invaluable thing, namely, that at the physiological level, with the advent of the child, the female body dictates to the woman to give herself without reserve to the new creature. And it's perfect! The mother is completely dissolved in the baby, provides for all its needs, day after day, year after year. Well, if the time a woman feels that were in the "routine" and sets the balance between the concepts of " to be a good mother and being a self-sufficient person." And if not, set the balance? Then the child of such a woman many times as a teenager to hear from the mother of a phrase such as, I gave you all my life, lived for you, and you're not grateful, etc. Women who truly give themselves to the child, do not practice personal development tend to blame these failures of their children. They do this because the whole period of growth and development of the child do not live consciously, not knowing what they mean, what their personal priorities.
Thus subconscious physiological maternal instinct, so essential to the child in infancy, cease to be valuable when the baby grows up and wants independence.
So we need to find conscious balance, do not degrade as a person and make happy your child. To find this balance, answer the question : "How can I evolve as a person and meet the needs of the child?"Your answer will be decisive about You. I will share a personal experience.
the Most difficult, according to many authors, is the period from birth to 5 months, the child is constantly with You, establish the process of feeding, days confused with the nights, etc. enjoy this period. To examine a new man and a new self, to establish contact and do what you do not want to do. For example be sure not to walk in the rain and go for a walk later! I imagine that are on a desert island with my baby. This period was wonderful and almost dreamlike. From all horrors of the present: breast pumps, bottles for pumping, etc we refused, on the island they are not and can not be! We were happy and mum and baby, we were new, he(the baby) because he came to the new world, but because I recognize myself again.
the Next period is necessary for the child solid foods and milk kitchen. And here, for me it was important to agree with family and to be left alone, at the hours when to feed baby can someone besides me. In our case it was my husband. He remained with the child for those hours when I went to the gym. The complexity of this period was the fact that my phone rang constantly during those two hours that I was gone. But over time, through arrangements I have purchased two hours of personal freedom and secured them. This time was my personal time!
As before can not be, but sure to be more new, interesting, and most importantly conscious. Have your personal time and devote it to your personality and then you can hardly blame someone that has lived your life not for yourself!
sincerely, practical psychologist kanygina Alena