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As a rule loving parents in relation to their child adhere to the slogan "All the best to children".

Let's think, which means "the best"? Undoubtedly, for every parent, this phrase has personal meaning and is defined by its life experiences, world views, and, importantly, an attempt to compensate for the child's failure to realize their own desires.

Quite often when working with parents I come across their opinion about the need to raise the child so that he in no way needed. The more attention is given to the child, the better.

However, one should remember that the children are not formed by the boundaries of I, they do not feel the action in your pursuit of pleasure and get used to endless attention from the parents. This attitude of adults as well as deficit of attention on their part often leads to neurosis.

the Main goal of child rearing is to create conditions under which he will be able to find yourself.

This means: on the one hand, not to smother the wishes of the child, and with another-to help to build a more immature the limits of its "I" to find a middle ground. To carry out this task is incredibly difficult! Especially in cases where adult sees in the child the continuation of itself and subdues it to his unconscious desires.You tend to err in thinking that is not true of you, dear readers. Very often I see the lack of boundaries between children and their parents. Recall, for example, what a tremendous pleasure you experience when your child praise relevant for you people who want to be proud of his successes and achievements. Or, conversely, greatly upset, worry, impotence blame yourself or others when the child appears adverse way, get mad when it requires greater attention. etc.

If you are familiar with such experiences, that is interdependence. You need to think about what such a relationship with the child will hinder personal development and lead to neurosis.

To the child find himself, he needs to be freed from the power of the unconscious desires of the parents. But he this task will never make it without the participation of the family.

What to do in this case ?

parents to Overcome their dependence on child! It is very difficult because the dependent relationship is always unconscious. Required tremendous work with adults, where they will have the opportunity to see themselves in the relationship with the child, understand the position and function of the father in the family, the role of the mother and to build such relations with the child, in which he doesn't get lost in itself, and will be able to develop Mature, confident, and free from neurosis, man.

Working with parents on the one hand, helps to create space for the emergence of "I", and with another - opens their unrealized potential.

Mikaelian Tamara
2018-10-23
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