Work with conviction rather complicated, and requires training, but it allows the client to review and adjust their behavior in different situations.
Today we watch Vera Petrovna, who went to the store for cheese and departed from the event. Of course, Vera Petrovna saw only the event itself: she came into the store, she was rude to the seller, Vera Petrovna had her answer, as a result, she stayed home with a headache instead of enjoy life. We will be more attentive and observe the work of the subconscious Belief Petrovna, and then try to help her.
Vera Petrovna – Petersburg intellectuals and in the eighth generation, the lady had to go to this proletarian the store for cheese. Of course, it was dictated by urgent need, but otherwise her feet were not there. Vera prefers to walk in the elite supermarket "Pearl", where she greet and speak politely, and not so expensive and there are often promotions and discounts. But to the supermarket "Pearl" to go was far away, and the curd was very much needed right now. "Apparently, nothing to do, will have to suffer" thought Vera Petrovna and went to the door of the store. Doors themselves did not open, as it usually happens in a supermarket "Pearl", not only do not have time Vera Petrovna to open that hard to open the door, as it was starting to fall apart people, not regretting to give her a pass. Vera Petrovna felt her growing irritation, and felt a rush of blood to the head. How much more suffering she will endure in this "proletarian" shop, but her father is a Professor and doctor of the highest category. Realizing that to keep the door, providing access and store the proletariat, unceremoniously hitting their stuffed packs at her feet, she would have long, Vera Petrovna rammed a countercurrent flow, along the way laying on him the blame that it is because of them I had to be very unwilling, namely rude shoving. Farm shop inside brought more frustration, as the saying goes, it wasn't Rio da Janeiro. The sight of Faith Petrovna longingly embraced the uncivilized and unintelligent people who came into the store with only one purpose, to buy some food and stuff it into her womb, not that she's trapped here with a noble purpose. She painfully wanted recognition from all these people that she's different, not like them. All they had to see that she's not here with rough consumer target, she had to buy cheese for my grandson to his frail bones intelligent (not that the children of these "hamsters") grew and gained strength, to make it easier to play chess. But we don't know how he thin vulnerable soul, will survive among this menagerie. Pushing his way to the dairy Department and saw the size of the queue, Vera Petrovna more experienced a nagging desire to throw myself out of the store, but the image of a frail bones grandson gave her the power of the spirit and not given to running away from the battlefield. With a sigh the doomed man, forced to endure the inevitable turn of fate, Vera Petrovna fell in behind the "green jacket". Well, of course, "green jacket" reported that he had already occupied. I had to reply with a kind smile: "okay, Okay , I definitely miss". The image of the saleswoman behind the counter clearly signaled that politeness here is not questioned. Vera Petrovna with apprehension looking, containers with dairy products that have gone in the bags of customers. All the time you had the feeling that she was there by accident, once, she was painfully anxious to get out of this store. Finally their turn came. Vera Petrovna with a courteous voice said, "Hello." "Zdrasste" - calmly replied the seller. "Please" - don't give up Vera, but in the chest is all began to cry, - "Put me, please, 500 g 9% cottage cheese". The seller persistently ignored the kind tone of Faith Petrovna and rolled her eyes: "What?" . "And you have several of them?" - Vera Petrovna has clearly decided to teach the common people the basics of doing small talk. "Looking in advance it is necessary" with irritation, answered the seller and threw Vera Petrovna, a package of cheese. Vera Petrovna was offended and broken voice, as she thought, shouted: "can't you speak politely, you live in Petersburg!". The shame that the seller did not even bother to react and indifferent tone he asked the next customer "What for you?" all kind of showing Faith Petrovna that today the audience for it is finished. All the way Vera has produced an internal dialogue with the seller, finally head ached, and his grandson ( ungrateful brat) refused to eat this ill-fated cheese.
How can we help Vera Petrovna, who has become for us already beloved and dear.
While we work out the situation with the seller. We can't deal with it all at once. And we work with the conviction of Faith to him. After all, our beliefs often lead to adverse reactions.
- To begin, you need to identify good intention, Belief Petrovna. If you decided to buy cheese grandson, had made a mistake . Vera Petrovna decided to save, and to do this she had to buy cheese. So what saved Vera Petrovna? Of course, his weakness. But while Vera doesn't know about it, and our goal is to bring her to this belief. So, we found out that the whole situation lies in Gersta Rescue-Aggressor, i.e. the codependent behavior.
- We need to identify a primary belief. Immediately warn that this is a complex and painstaking work. We'll just ask Vera Petrovna leading questions. They are standard:
how did you feel when you say rude?
Why was it important for you to treat you politely?
What do you mean when you talk roughly?
Who talked to you roughly?
did you Talk roughly?
Um.d. The more talk to Vera Petrovna, the more it will actualize your beliefs.
Our goal is to bring Faith Petrovna on her belief that is the paradigm of "fair or unfair". most Likely, this belief would look like this: "This is true, if I say politely, then I must politely respond".
- Next, we derive the leading questions of Faith Petrovna on the belief that she should deserve polite treatment of her. Here you need to ask the question, what in her understanding of politeness anyone in her life says politely, as she relates to these people. It is important to go on the belief that "if you talk to me polite I accept." It would sound like this: "If you are speaking to me rudely, I reject," or "I must do everything so I won't be rejected". Ie,we leave the level of "acceptance-rejection". finally, a primary belief: "I should respond when talking to me rudely".
- Next to Vera Petrovna encouraged to remember something from my childhood, just the first thing that came to mind, most likely this situation will be something to do with the adoption-rejection. Vera Petrovna remembered her mother, when she came home late a few days roughly she replied, and she needed a few days to go and Express a sense of guilt, while her mother has not forgiven. Vera Petrovna formed the conviction that she is responsible for the feeling of another person. Next, we are losing this situation and allow Faith and proceeded to be her mom. After our client has been in the position of mom, she realized that it was something with my mom wrong, but not with her mother just did not have enough resource to accept the fact late home daughter. She continued to love her daughter, but didn't know what to do in this situation of fright. Most importantly, our client realized that the feelings her mother was in the borders of her mother.
- Next, we help Vera Petrovna to form a conviction: "If I say roughly, (I stay quiet) (I'm alright) (I can wait before responding)".
- Belief Petrovna we give the job, as often as possible to repeat this belief in similar situations.
We and Vera dealt with the situation with the seller, but have not figured out why Vera Petrovna was so bad in the "proletarian" store. To be continued...