Attitude will tell all

the

— That You are here with me feel?
— … I think… and what a person feels is usually in the counselor's office...

quote of the psychotherapeutic session

Basic human problem lies in the area of relations. Because I always ask my clients: What You feel now What You feel for me What You was here with me today...

Response from a lot of reports about how the person treats Other. Total loneliness, the fear of the people, hidden hostility, openness, warmth, trade with people… — all this I see the reaction of the interlocutor to my question. The answer helps me to understand that people make with Others and why he is now exactly at the point where it is situated. If the client, for example, talks about his concern for the partner, love for him, warmth that he gives, and the answer to my question “how do You feel about me?" abstract, evasive or prickly, cold, I tend to doubt that the man so dearly cares about the Other as he says.

the Answer may be unkind, but honest, open, inviting to dialogue. And it is a measure of the ability to meet with their negative feelings, the desire to listen and be heard by Others.

the Answer can be and is always bright and positive (because it is important to ask at every meeting). And it can be a signal that the person is not critical, does not want to meet with their negative feelings, or are not sensitive to the differences in the world as a whole, not just me. For client behaves in the counselor's office as well as in the "big" world, with other people. He can't be with me is radically different.

Compare only 5 answers to the question: how do You feel now me:

— … I think… and what a person feels is usually in the counselor's office... (abstract attitude to people and to the world).

— I go here how to work: there is a problem that must be solved. I don't feel anything. (a rational attitude towards Others).

— I already told you. Why should we discuss? I don't want to spend the money! (trade with the people of consumer attitude).

— Oh, Rima Vasilevna, I'm here You always feel safe! I can say whatever I want, and I nothing is for nothing! (the ability to trust Others, to be close).

— I feel terrible. Because they see that You treat me very bad! (fear of Others, a total vision in the Other a dislike to her, although they may feel towards her only compassion and love. In short, extremely low self esteem, rejection itself).

Sometimes I really do not need to ask — the man himself openly tells about his feelings to me and what is happening. And I understand how my partner treats Other — openly, sincerely, warmly. From communication with the client remains warm, pleasant feeling. And I know — so feel Other, entering into a relationship with him.

Appeal to me on you or You, Rimma Rimma Vasilevna or just not calling my name really — that is also important information about the client, about how he treats Others — respectfully, warm, distant, close, as objects or unique personalities…

so, my idea is this: his demeanor, style conversation and direct response to the question of the other we are telling more about yourself than the words that you speak.

And thought, addressed to psychologists: not trust words — feel that he is with You do!

photo: Nepal. Kathmandu. Nepalese people are extraordinarily friendly and absolutely not aggressive. To a European it seems even a disadvantage.

Gumerova Rimma