the Time of laying the baby to sleep sometimes takes all the strength in adults. It happens that your child wants to sleep, but fidgeting, he was always sort of distracted or claiming all kinds of "want" (drink, eat, potty, etc.).

Parents, it is also very tiring and draining, they can start to take it out on the child.
And usually the advice: "Shut the door, cry, stop, and understand/ he will learn to fall asleep." Like to training.

Yes, learn. But what would we pay for that price? Parental intuitions often reject such advice, but the lack of understanding the reason for the difficulties of putting a child to sleep, and how else you can sometimes push parents over the edge.

In fact, it often happens that the sleep problems are related to the fact that the child is faced with a very strong separation with those to whom he is attached, whom he loves (usually mom and dad). Children up to 5-7 years, due to their immaturity, cannot anticipate the situation in advance and they're afraid that the dream will you share it with your loved ones, and when again meeting — for it is not obvious. They say that sleep is the little death, and it is very close to how worried his children.

Deborah McNamara, a canadian psychologist, wrote: "Sleep and unconsciousness constitute the largest separation for the child, where there is no one who directly took care of him. It is also a time when may manifest separation anxiety accumulated during the day. If the child is faced with a high level of separation, it can be more excited before bedtime."

Thus, the child all forces may unconsciously resist sleep because of the fear of separation, the separation from family. And if the child still felt a lack of contact with adults significant to him (mom, dad) during the day, the anxiety before going to sleep can become even stronger.

How can that be?

1. Stick to the ritual when laying to sleep. Let it be pleasant and calm, imbue your child with warmth and love. Many parents underestimate this item, but it is really important to help the child gently and quietly prepare for sleep.

for Example, first a shower and wash teeth, then in bed cuddling talking about their day (if the child is small, just tells him about it), read a book, tell the child what will happen tomorrow (more information in paragraph 4), sing lullaby, continue to kiss, hug and be close.

2. Relax, try to stop thinking, when the child goes to sleep. Read all of his books (by the way, there are lots of good books for sleep). Choose those that are interesting to you or you can let the child choose their own. Remember the past day, tell your child how much missed him, thought about him that you love him and are happy that you have it.

3. "Seal off" night division. This item is extremely important! It means that every time you need to focus on your next meeting, contact, constantly remind the child that neither sleep, nor anything else you both shall live. I can say that will come to him in a dream. You can also talk about plans for the next day, what will you do together! For example, "I can't wait for tomorrow to go for a walk with you." "When you Wake up, I'll hug and kiss you again." "I will be there to protect your dream."

In General, it is very important each day to focus on how you will meet again after sleep, to sleep for a child ceased to be associated with the division, and was like a bridge to your next meeting.

4. Try to eliminate any pressure, potoraplivaya, for example, "stop fidgeting!", "Quickly go, otherwise there will be books", "lay Down soon, I turn off the lights", "This is the last glass of water", "Yes when you're asleep", etc.

And even better to exclude a more relaxed phrase, for example: "quickly go to Sleep," "And now it's time to sleep" until the laying.

All of this only intensifies the anxiety and separation from you. And, as we discovered, these emotions and interfere with the child quietly to sleep. So why enhance them?

and how can you sleep when you have to do so? Sleep usually comes when we are in a calm and relaxed state.

Just be around the baby, fill him with your attention and love.

5. Leave the child something that would help him feel connected to you in the night.

you Can, for example, wear matching pajamas or leave t-shirt with your smell in the bed of the child. We can say that filled the pillow with kisses and hugs and they will be with the baby all night. Another option — to put under the pillow a book and say that this morning definitely will read it, leave the frame with your family photo of the crib. Options can be many.

6. Try to see the various "want" a child's anxiety and fear of separation.

do Not assume that the child in spite of asking for ten times to drink, something to eat, then to the toilet. He was alarmed and did not understand what was bothering him. The child really think that he wants and is able to calm him down. This is all happening on an unconscious level.

Try while laying the baby to sleep completely belong to him, even in thought! The child may well feel your anxiety or the hurry that you are mentally not with it. Keep calm, let this process be filled with joy, warmth and pleasure. More hug and kiss baby, say, how you love him, be sincere, let the child is filled with your warmth and love, feels like he's important and dear to you.

don't force your child to grow up before their time. Fear of separation with the people you love is the most powerful and painful fear, especially for young children, and it is completely natural. Do not try to "crush", but help the child to experience it, close it off and fill the child with his love. Try to follow all these points and putting the child to sleep gradually will become easier and more enjoyable, faster and more joyful.

And in the end I want to share the wonderful story of the same parents (from the book of Deborah McNamara) about how they started the process of laying to sleep his daughter.

"...Emily and Dan tried to help Sadie feel connected to them while sleeping and feel that they supported her closeness. They took the lead to help her calm down, and when Sadie said, "I can't sleep. I'm not tired," they replied, "You don't have to worry about your sleep. This is the mom and dad." They changed their approach: instead of feeling held hostage laying on the night they became generous in his approach. Instead of haste and pressure in preparation for sleep, they performed the ritual of laying, trying to convey joy, pleasure and warmth. They helped her to calm down: included light, before she asked (!), talked about plans for the next day, hugging, kissing and patting on the back longer (!) normal. They left her room no more than 5 minutes, and then returned with paper heart, so she can "hold" for him. Sadie liked hearts, and she waited, when she will give the following, every 5 minutes, then 10 and so on. When Sadie woke up in the morning, on the bedside table was in 2 times more hearts than before she fell asleep. Parents said go to her all night, and Sadie believed them, because she was a girl of preschool age".

That's such a beautiful story. Only if the child reacts when you leave the room, even if you say, "I am going to go drink some water and come back", it is not worth while to do this. Focus on kapitanie love, closeness and contact with you. When the anxiety subsides a bit, and the child will be able to react, it will be possible (if desired), from time to time out and return to child's room. Just be sure to "turn off" your care! Instead of "If not now asleep, I'll go" or a silent departure from the room, gently and lovingly tell your child that, for example, wash my face or wash the dishes, and then back again to kiss him.

Remember, kids grow up and stop needing you. But the warmth and joy, fullness of love that you will give them before bed they will remember forever!

Let putting a baby to sleep will become for you a special and rewarding experience that fills both of you!