the parent faces a lot of children's hopes and a big part of those hopes crumble when meeting the reality.

Donald Winnicot revolutionized the study of childhood, when he introduced the concept of "good enough mother", explaining that it is primarily the mother, consistent and understandable to the child. This is not about kind words and not about criticism, but about predictability. If the parent is consistent and predictable in their behavior, it is enough to child to be able to deal with disappointment. Consistency allows the child to see that next to him all the time the same mother: happy, sad, angry, anxious, happy, tired. Not 2 different mothers, good and evil. Stable inner image of the mother – steady internal self-image, and this is a good precondition for sustained self-assessment.

the Trouble is that consistency and predictability are rarely met. Kids grow like those pigeon experiment of Skinner, which brought food into the cage every 20 seconds and each pigeon was invented my logic of events than he deserved by the appearance of the food. One thought that you need to flap your wings to the other that need to be rotated around its axis, and the third what need to stand on one leg. Ie didn't mind, but hoped and believed, discovered the secret of control the abundance of this world.

Growing up occurred when the child can see their parent in the ordinary person with limitations. Not some special person with special abilities. The person who is afraid, angry and sad, believes in something and hoping for something. The person who knows something, and something is wrong. With its own internal hierarchy of values formed by the experience of a lifetime.

those who Trust in the omnipotence of the parent, the child, is so associated with their hopes, grows them through, that can't see them as aggressive demands. He thinks he expects nothing from the parent, or not waiting for anything special. Expecting that he should rightfully belong.

In his own way, the child believes that he will decide that he needs the parent in response, and what should not. And that's what seems to him natural.

of Course, with a parental hand, it looks absurd. So begins a war, who is more wrong, who owes what to whom. A child should respect their parents or parents have to earn its credibility?

a Formal answer to the question of the oughts is contained in the family code. It stipulates that parents should be their children, and children their parents.
If regarded psychologically, it is necessary to reformulate the question: how to see and experience your limitations and the limitations of its parent.

Olga Knyazeva
Статья выложена в ознакомительных целях. Все права на текст принадлежат ресурсу и/или автору (B17 B17)

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