the Essence of the driver "be strong" in that a person sincerely believes "I'll never get what I want".

If he is getting what he wants, then it immediately devalues "that's not what I wanted", "I got too expensive, a lot of effort, so it's not that," "too late", etc.

But the main way to get what we want – a passive behavior.

Be strong – it's about "poker face" - poker face, short phrase, the rejection of his own "weak, stupid" feelings and the rejection of his sincere desires.

the Essence of human behavior with the driver "be strong" lack of will in choosing, the rejection feelings, desires and activity.

in order to be strong, to cope with any situation, I want guarantees – a person thinks with an internal program to be strong. - If there is no guarantee, I'll start to do something, make a mistake and fall into an awkward position. I'm going to look ridiculous, and this is unacceptable!

deep down inside he is trapped.

- I am strong – and this conviction came to him with the suggestion of their parents. Such people were "stronger" than his mom. It is possible to control, solve, made the baby a priority.

I'm weak, helpless and ridiculous, and it's unbearable! To get the love of parents, I must be strong!

Our hero has developed an attitude towards life, people and ourselves:

to Show weakness not! It's too painful! Weak reject, ridicule, laugh at them. To be weak (sensitive, funny, ridiculous, mistaken) is the most destructive and terrible that can be.

His perception of the world is based on the hypothesis:

If I fail, go wrong, make stupid – I rejected, will laugh at me, offend me, my whole world will collapse.

And then he finds a solution how to act to avoid disaster:

1. deselect

If you show lack of will in the choice, it means that he will not make mistakes, will not look weak, stupid and helpless.

If you opt out – then no one will see his genuine, true desires, and he will not feel the helplessness and fear.

If you opt out, you will not need to endure the bitterness and sorrow, if what he chose and is doing will be destroyed, with errors, not achieved.

2. to refuse feelings

No feelings – no pain

3. to refuse authorship of his life and creativity, to believe that what is happening in his life is responsible not him, but someone else.

And the man with the driver "be strong" is silent, not thinking, not feeling, not chooses what he wants and is not valid.

He bravely endured, because he is strong, instead of having to change something.

He was silent, instead of to think, feel and speak.

He passively waits for external events and demands guarantees, replacing passivity and control, spontaneity and creativity.

as a result his life goes under the motto "I'll never get what I want".

And where is the output?

the way out is to define your goals, choose and act.

the way out is to pay attention to any of your results and appreciate them.

the way out is to allow yourself to feel, not avoid, repress, deny or displace, but to live, feeling all their emotions.

the way out is to relax, allow yourself to be human, and weak, and sometimes silly, and helpless.

the way out is to learn humility, to learn to lose, and recognize the limits of their capabilities.

Basic here – to choose their real objective, to be active, feel, and act, allowing yourself to live without guarantees, without "correct", to breathe, to speak and to be alive, enjoying the process of life.

https://psy-novosib.ru/budsiln/

***

to apply for a consultation with a psychologist, the author of the text on the phone

8 913 063 73 92 (Novosibirsk, Frunze str., 5-515) or send an [email protected] of consultation via Skype or using the form on б17