Bear inside

bear in

author: Ales Kachalkina

“we All yearn for pristine. We were taught to be ashamed of their instincts. We have released long hair and used to hide underneath their feelings. But day and night behind us lies the shadow of the original Wild Woman. Wherever we walked, the shadow sneaks behind and – particularly – rests on four legs.»

K. P. Estes. Foreword “Running with wolves”.


the Girl with the long hair… The road was long, not simple and not easy and very long. It grew difficult and confusing. Didn't know who to believe, which voice to hear, to rely on. Her mother was cold and distant, and the image, which had to meet her daughter, was a cage for our heroine. She was supposed to be a “perfect” in everything, in school, in choosing friends, what dreams, what profession one chooses, all to obey my mother's rules and dogma. To match these images, frankly, little out, but the girl tried very hard. Of course, how could it be otherwise, because the shame and guilt for what it is and how I want to live followed her everywhere.

“having No connection with my femininity, mothers could not pass on to the daughters of his enjoyment of life, their confidence in this life, they themselves lived. Accustomed to the fact that in life you need to make and to operate as efficiently as possible, they could not afford just to live. They could not afford spontaneous reactions to unexpected events. …In this attitude there is no place to install that life should be lived for what it is, and there is no place, where each of the parents and the child could relax and really feel: “I exist”. This means that the child lives with a growing sense of guilt, as it embodies the frustration of the mother more in himself than in it. The child grows, trying to justify their own existence, which in the psychic reality never received approval.»

Marion Woodman “Passion”.

She was growing up and for a long time tried to be proper, quiet, modest, not sexy, a bit colourless, but the corresponding status of her family. The right people, the right contacts, the decisions would approve of the society and many other conventions and rules. Not rules, but who asked what she has inside? And ask worth it, because inside the smoldering volcano.

This still weak fire forced her still, sometimes to fight against their parents to choose a profession, life style, appearance, and friends did not follow the rules of her family. She was difficult, she often was wrong, but went ahead and searched. Looking for a place, idea, person, slightly realizing what exactly looking for, but did not give up. She helped, and sometimes were sent, but most of the work she did herself following the strange call of the soul. She fought for himself, but that's the trouble: she knew that to live as broadcast her parents – it is impossible, and that's who she is and how I want to live, the girl, and at that time already a young woman, no idea at all. Sometimes she felt something strange and sometimes frightening feeling inside, sometimes seen in the eyes and other reactions of surprise and bewilderment on their actions, words or choices. This was of little help, rather alarmed.

But our heroin was a brave girl, and she kept looking. This part of her character parental education was not touched. Brave and undoubtedly intelligent, but also intuitive cousa where to go it has always been.

At some point a young woman with a mane of long hair, were at an impasse and began to ponder what to do and where to go. In her view, there was a 2 way, 2 door – to be either her family or the complete opposite. But somewhere through meetings and different experience she began to understand that there is something else – there is a third door, third way. Just where is this door and what's behind it… the Glow of her inner fire erupts in dance, in laughter – this mischievous and fascinating that I wanted to laugh with her, in her, not yet awake and yet it is hard to hide sexuality. The fire lived inside of her, but not yet danced with her.


And then one day she was offered a campaign. Unexpected, spontaneous trip into the woods of another country. Of course she agreed. She didn't know what, but I was ready.

“a Cure for naive women and women with damaged instincts are the same: listen to your intuition, to your inner voice, ask questions, show curiosity, see what I see, hear what they hear, and then act based on his knowledge of the truth.»

K. P. Estes. “Running with wolves»

the Journey was strange. Road, forest, river… all awakened her instincts. She was breathing freely and easily, as if the whole body, marveling at the sensations, getting used to this strange and familiar at the same time breath.

the Forest was amazing. But travelers are warned that in the forests there are still bears, which sometimes go to the river to fish and play around in the water. Therefore recommended to go with a group and in any case not alone. Our traveler tried to do, only here was a small but, her soul as never needed the loneliness and silence. She felt an acute need to listen, absorb and feel the forest, this nature itself without the vote of other people. Silence was necessary, and it was not noticing that moving away from his group.

“Intuition – the ability that your soul received at birth. Maybe it has for many years been hidden under a layer of ashes and excrement. But that's not the end of the world, because everything can be washed off. Is slightly rubbed, scratched, exercise, and your powers of perception will come back to original state.»

K. P. Estes. “Running with wolves»

She stood in the clearing, behind her, seething river, in front of her was the forest, and the group had gone far ahead. And the moment she relaxed, breathing and watching nature, she heard the growling, menacing, frightening and loud roar somewhere not far away. Fear gripped her to the ground, not just fear, but a wild fear of Death. “bear next – thought a young woman – and now I die”. And this thought or feeling twisted her essence from the inside out. Flashed images, images, memories. Her childhood, youth, growing up… she suddenly realized what really was her life. In the face of death she saw how long betrayed themselves, as was filled with other people's anxieties, fears not to meet, shame and other stories. And how is all sad, if life will end before it begins.

the World changed forever. This girl, the girl, the woman felt both the fire and the roar awakened from hibernation bear. The body has suddenly acquired the strength and ease at the same time. Breathing became heavy and powerful. She saw clearly who it is. And the growl inside of her woke up…

P. S. of Course, and fortunately, with the real bear, our heroine is not met. Growl really was, but far away. But the fact that our heroine returned from her trip a changed and different – it's a fact.



Статья выложена в ознакомительных целях. Все права на текст принадлежат ресурсу и/или автору (B17 B17)

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